


An unexpected summer

by Misslill15



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2018-12-30 23:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 41,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12120063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misslill15/pseuds/Misslill15
Summary: You know the stories where Clarke and Lexa has been apart and then meet again? This is one of them.Octavia decides that all of her friends has to spend a whole summer at her and Lincolns lake house since their lives has been so busily after collage. It was supposed to be a fun and amazing summer for Clarke but an unexpected guest makes her summer a little complicated. The unexpected guest is Lexa.TRAILER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CArCh6ZbVSM





	1. Burned eggs

The rain was terrible and Clarke sighted as she stared out the window with her arms crossed.  
”This is shit” she said as she turned around to face her friends.  
”It will get better, it’s only the first day” Raven said hopefully.  
”Yes don’t be so negative babe” Finn smiled.  
”We got a lot of alcohol and a lot of games for tonight!” Bellamy entered the room and dropped his bags on the floor already surrounded by his sister Octavia in a heartwarming hug.  
”Bell!” she yelled happy. ”you’re finally here!” 

It’s been five years since they all graduated collage, it’s been hard to see each other since they all walked their own way. They had of course keep in contact over the years and tried their best to see each other but it was always someone missing or very stress full. It was last christmas when Octavia had been so mad because almost everyone had to work, study or whatever their reason was to not make it. She had called everyone in a group call and yelled at them and then Lincoln her boyfriend - or now fiancé - came up with the great idea that they all should spend the summer in their lake house they bought two years ago. Not a weekend, not a week, not a month - the whole summer. It was a lot of negative thoughts about it first, people thinking it would be impossible to take that much time off - but in the end they all decided to try and succeeded. 

”I missed you” Clarke smiled at Bell and hugged him.  
”Brother!” Finn smiled and greeted him as well.  
”Is everyone here?” Bell asked happy, super excited about their summer.  
”We are missing Anya, Jasper and Monty” Raven counted on her fingers.  
”What about Murphy?” He asked and everyone went silent, they hadn’t invited him.  
”Uum…” Octavia stared at Lincoln for help, no one really liked Murphy, the only one who tolerated him was Bellamy.  
”You didn’t invite him?” He asked a little annoyed. ”I will, he could at least spend a week with us… come on guys?”  
”Okay Okay…” Raven shrugged while Clarke rolled her eyes.  
”So Anya… she’s coming? I didn’t know that” Clarke said, just her name made her feel sick. Not that she didn’t like Anya, she did. It had just been so long, well five years since she spoke to her.  
”Yeah well, we actually had a lot of contact during the years, so I invited her” Octavia explained.  
”I think we have a lot to catch up on this summer” Clarke said surprised.  
”Indeed” Finn smiled as he handed Bellamy a beer.  
”WHERE IS THE PARTY PEOPLE!” Everyone turned their heads too see two familiar faces, Monty and Jasper had arrived and they had their hands full of bottles of vodka.  
”Finally!” Raven smiled happy and greeted them, the rest of the gang was following her lead.

***

They had decided to make pizza that night since it was raining to much to barbecue outside, it had been a success and everyone must of been hungry because there was no food left and they all chilled lazy in the living room small talking with the person next to them.  
”Shouldn’t Anya be here already?” Raven asked and Clarke felt how she shrugged but suddenly interested in the topic.  
”I should call her” Octavia answered and brought out her phone from her pocket and dialed the number. It didn’t take long until Anya answered.  
”Hey girl” Octavia said happy. ”Where are you? We are getting worried out here are you having trouble finding the place?” It was quiet for a while when Octavia listened to her answer, and she hummed a little from time to time.  
”I don’t know… I don’t see why, yeah okay… Of course, okay see you tomorrow then” She hanged up and was faced with questioning faces staring at her.  
”She’ll be here tomorrow” Octavia seemed to have a change of behavior.  
”Was something wrong?” Raven asked worried.  
”Did you all keep in contact with Anya?” Clarke asked confused, the burning question finally came out.  
”Well a little bit… yeah” Raven answered and everyone hummed a little.  
”Wow” She had a following question but she didn’t dare to ask it and not infront of Finn.  
”Does it bother you?” Octavia asked.  
”No, you can talk to whoever you want to talk to, we are all adults. I’m just a little surprised that’s all”  
”Should we play a game or something?” Jasper asked trying to change the subject and everyone agreed.

They spent the rest of the evening playing different card games while drinking some beers, it was pretty chill and everyone seemed a little exhausted from traveling all day. They talked about what they were currently doing and also reminisced about old memories. They had known each other for years and to finally be together and to actually be able to spend the whole summer together was amazing. It didn’t take long for them to fall into bad or good habits, Raven was being ironic as always, Octavia was still a bad looser, Monty and Jasper where still like brothers, Finn and Bellamy was arguing over small things. Clarke watched over her friends and her boyfriend Finn, she was really happy actually, to get to hang out with her second family all summer. She smiled as she took the last sip of her beer ready to get a new one.  
”Want a beer babe?” she asked Finn and he smiled nodding his head before he went back to what seemed to be an intense conversation about soccer with Bell.  
”Hey what are you whispering about?” Clarke joked as Raven and O turned around.  
”Nothing” Raven laughed but the whole situation seemed weird.  
”Whatever you say” Clarke said while picking out two beers from the fridge. ”This place is beautiful by the way” She said while looking at Octavia.  
”Thank you, I’m in love with it too”  
”Lincoln must love it here”  
”He does” Octavia smiled.

After the other beer Clarke felt really tired, she could barely keep her eyes opened. She looked over at Finn and he seemed to understand.  
”I think we are calling it for tonight” Finn said while standing up.  
”Yeah, I think we all should” Octavia said. ”It’s a new day tomorrow” 

”Are you okay?” Finn said while he was already laying in bed watching Clarke change.  
”Yes, I’m just tired” She answered.  
”Come here” he smiled and she crawled into his arms resting her head on his chest. ”I love you babe” he whispered and Clarke reached for his lips for a gently kiss.  
”Me too” she said when their lips parted.  
”Sweet dreams princess”

***

Clarke woke up early the next day, she had a slightly headache but she knew some coffee would fix it right away. She looked over at Finn who still was sleeping he looked exhausted so she decided to let him sleep in today. 

She walked down the stairs and noticed that she was the first one up, witch wasn’t normal, everyone must of been really tired last night. She decided to make a lot of coffee since that was the only thing she was good at in the kitchen - and that her friends would probably need it as much as her. 

She sipped her her coffee and watched the clock, almost 11 and there was still no one up and she was hoping someone else would make breakfast but she was getting hungry. Clarke opened the fridge and wondering what she could make that was easy… eggs, eggs are easy right? She could handle scrambled eggs. Yes, yes she could. She placed a frying pan on the stove and placed a bowl beside it. She cracked 10 eggs into the bowl and added some spices to it, did you need anything else for scrambled eggs? She decided that no, you don’t. She started to fry the eggs but was already frustrated after 30 seconds because it was getting stuck to the frying pan. She grunted for herself when she heard someone laughing in the back.  
”Clarke Griffin making breakfast, swearing. This can not end well” Raven smirked.  
”Oh shit, come help me instead!” Clarke whined.  
”Oh my god Clarke, it’s too hot!” Raven yelled when she saw the burning eggs.  
”What the hell is going on in my kitchen?” Octavia suddenly entered the room with scared eyes.  
”Clarke is making breakfast”  
”Clarke is also waking up the whole house” Jasper complained with Monty behind him, both looked extremely newly awakened.  
”Shut up guys” Clarke swore while she struggled with eggs.  
”Babe do you need help?” Finn had joined them as well and it wasn't long until Bellamy was in the room as well and they where all now gathered in the kitchen.  
”I hate all of you, I was trying to be nice” Clarke was getting really frustrated and turned around to look at her friends - it was quiet for a few seconds before everyone started to laugh expect for Clarke.  
”Come on babe, it’s okay” Finn tried trying not to laugh.  
”Omg!” Raven suddenly yelled, the eggs where smoking really bad and Clarke looked down and was faced with black eggs.  
”WATER!”  
”No not water!” suddenly a panic was formed in the room and everyone was trying to do something, it wasn’t bad really but they smoke was getting everywhere. Octavia grabbed the frying pan and threw it out the window while Lincoln turned the stove off, Jasper was trying the wave away the smoke, the chaos was interrupted by an familiar voice.  
”What the hell is going on here?” Anya looked at them in shock.  
”Anya!” Everyone smiled.  
”Are you trying to burn down the house?” She asked surprised. ”We was waiting for someone to open the door but then we heard you guys screaming” Anya looked back to the hallway.  
”We?” Clarke whispered confused to herself.  
”What the hell happened here?” The voice filled Clarke’s ears and her whole body stiffed, it couldn't be..?  
”No way, Lexa?” Bellamy yelled and Clarke dropped the bowl she was holding in her hands, shit.  
”Clarke made breakfast” Jasper laughed and hugged Lexa as well.  
”That makes sense” Anya laughed, the only one who didn't laugh was Lexa who stared at Clarke.  
”I need to get the frying pan outside” Clarke said, not really knowing what hell she was talking about but she had to get out of the kitchen so she turned her heel and walked out, she could feel two green eyes burning in her neck.

What the hell was Lexa doing here?


	2. The first day of summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preparing for dinner and drinks. Also Clarke get's thrown in the water.

Clarke swore to herself even more as she burned her hand while trying to pick up the frying pan.  
”Mother fu…”   
”Are you okay?” the familiar voice sounded so dangerous to Clarke and she wasn’t in any mood to talk to the woman.  
”I burned my hand” Clarke mumbled without looking at Lexa.  
”Let me see” Lexa took Clarks hand and the touch made Clarke pull away her hand immediately.   
”I’m fine” She finally looked up to face Lexa and for a second she was taken away by her beauty. If possible Lexa had become even more beautiful than their high school years. Her hair was a little bit longer and her wavy hair was covering her shoulders, she was wearing a white skirt with black jeans, she had gain some weight, not in a bad way. She looked healthier and stronger, more muscular. Even her eyes seemed more greener than ever and Clarke had to force herself to look away. She didn’t say more, Clarke left Lexa standing there without looking back, this morning had been to much already.  
As Clarke came back inside the house she dragged Octavia into one of the guest rooms and closed the door behind them, she made sure it wasn’t to obvious though.  
”What the hell is she doing here?” Clarke asked angry.  
”I didn’t know until last night…” Octavia started.  
”You knew and you didn’t care to tell me?” Clarke spitted.  
”I’m sorry I didn’t know how to tell you, Anya called last night and told me Lexa had surprised her”  
”So?”   
”Lexa is finished with her studies and are moving back home, she wanted to spend the summer with her sister and Anya asked if she could join us or otherwise she wouldn't be able to come” Octavia explained stressful.  
”Why didn’t you tell them to stay home” Clarke rolled her eyes, who cared really?   
”Because I wanted Anya here… look you know me and Anya actually became pretty good friends over collage since we played in the school soccer team together, Lincoln loves her as well… we wanted her here”   
”But I mean it’s… It’s Lexa” Clarke sighted, she knew it had been five years but she had decided back then to never see that woman again.  
”I met her a few times actually, I thought that maybe we could like all become friends again, I don’t know. We are a lot of people here Clarke, you don’t have to talk to her… I don’t want this to destroy our summer”  
”It feels like it already has…” Clarke said annoyed. ”I can’t believe you never told me you had seen Lexa over the years” Clarke asked her shook.   
”I knew you didn’t want to hear about it anyway, I thought it was best to keep it to myself. I know it might suck Clarke, but she was our friend too you know.”  
”Okay, it would of been nice with a heads up though… But I’m with Finn now… I can handle her presence I guess but don’t expect me to be to nice to her” Clarke gave up, she knew she would have to adapt herself.  
”Thank you” Octavia smiled and they shared a quick hug. 

***

”NO, FINN STOP IT” Clarke laughed as her boyfriend was trying to pick her up, they where on the jetty just the two of them chilling. Clarke had wanted to feel the water when Finn had made his move.  
”You’re getting in sweety” he had smirked when he finally got a hold of his girl.  
”FINN PLEASE” Clarke pleaded but it was to late, she felt the loss of connection of his body and suddenly she was under water, she was quick over the surface to gasp for air. ”Jerk” she joked while sticking her tongue out but it was actually really nice in the water. ”Join me” she smirked and Finn took two steps back to be able to dive in. It wasn't long until she felt arms around her and she turned around to kiss him. The kiss quickly turned into a make out session, Finns hands where touching her body while her hands where steady around his neck.  
”Grows” Ravens voice suddenly filled their ears and to their surprise the whole gang was standing on the bridge looking at them.  
”Get a room” Bellamy joked while bringing a arm around Raven, Clarke couldn’t unseen the the annoyed look from Anya. Was she still having a thing for Raven? And how the hell could Lexa look so good in that black bikini, the brunette was looking down staring at? Who knew? Suddenly Clarke caught her self staring and remembered herself where she was. Shit.  
”Fuck off” Finn laughed as she grabbed Clarke’s ass and she felt annoyed by the act.  
”Let go of me” Clarke pushed his hand away and climbed up the ladder, she felt green eyes burning at her direction so she focused on her closest object, Bellamy.  
”It’s actually really nice in the water” She smiled.  
”Well I think we all saw that” he winked and it took only a second before Clarke grabbed his body and pushed him into the water.  
”Well what do you think” Clarke winked back as he came back to the surface.  
”I guess I deserved that one?” he laughed and Finn slapped his head lightly with his hand. It didn’t take long until one by one was pushed into the water or people choose to jump in themselves. 

It had been so long since they all could enjoy each others company without school or work always interrupting. It was a wonderful day, the sun was shining and the sky was blue. They had nothing to think about, they where just there to have a good time. Clarke looked over her friends, everyone smiling and joking with each other. Lincoln and Octavia stealing kisses every time they got a chance, Monty and Jasper chilling sitting down on the jetty with their bare feet playing in the water, Finn and Bellamy playing some sort of ball game in the water, Raven and Anya trying to prove who could jump into the water the silliest way. Seeing how they where getting along so well made Clarke wonder if they kept in contact over the years after all, it was like five years was only a day and no time had passed… Then there was Lexa who was swimming back and forth by her self, of course she had seen the opportunity to be alone and also get some training done. It annoyed Clarke more than it should. It just reminded her of how focused Lexa was, how she could totally shut everything out, distance herself from everyone… almost robotic working for her goal. Turning all her emotions off, keeping to herself. Glad Clarke didn’t have to deal with that anymore, she always had to bring Lexa back to reality. She had always been the only one who could break Lexa’s walls… well not every time.  
”What about I start the grill guys” Finn yelled from the water while bringer two hands through his long hair. Clarke loved his hair, he looked so beautiful with it.   
”I’m starving” Jasper and Monty yelled at the same time.  
”Jinx you owe me a beer!” Monty laughed and Jasper shook his head.  
”I’ll help you” Bellamy smiled as he climbed up on the bridge not using the ladder for some reason.

***

”So is she gonna keep to herself this whole summer?” Clarke said annoyed as she watched Lexa reading outside on a blanket. She where still in her bikini top but had put on some jeans shorts and sunglasses. In her left hand was a book and in the other a glass of white wine. She had really made herself comfortable.   
”You are complaining about her being here and now that she’s not hanging out with us?” Octavia chuckles as she cut the lime for the drinks they where making.  
”Yeah make up your mind” Raven laughed as she poured vodka into a large bowl.  
”It’s just weird to me…like what is she even doing here then?” Clarke muttered.   
”Maybe she’s not so thrilled being here either and you didn’t really welcome her with open arms, so she plays it safe keeping distance” Octavia said as she threw the now cut lime into the bowl.  
”That’s what I am saying, what is she doing here then?” Clarke rolled her eyes as she opened a large Fanta bottle and began pouring it into the bowl as well.  
”That’s why” Raven answered and pointed to the window, Lexa was now joined with Anya and her - seconds ago - focused face had been replaced with big smile.  
”So, what’s up with you and Anya?” Clarke smirked.  
”What are you talking about?” Raven suddenly got stressed and dropped the orange juice she was about to pour.  
”Raven!” Octavia sighted.  
”OMG, YOU ARE TOTALLY INTO HER” Clarke said shocked while raising her eyebrows.  
”No! I’m still not into her, can you please stop with that bullshit!” Raven whined.  
”Well you know she always had a crush on you” Clarke smirked. ”I think she still has, I saw her staring at you today”  
”No she did not” Raven answered but Clarke could see her blushing.  
”Can you guys please help me out with this instead of arguing about this” Octavia complained.

***

Everyone had gathered outside at the large table close to the grill, Finn was flipping burgers while Raven was pouring drinks to everyone right besides him. It was a warm nice evening and everyone was starving and was patiently waiting for their burgers to get done by Finn. Clarke had just finished setting the table with orders from Octavia while she was making salad inside. Anya and Lexa had left to get some games they where supposed to play later while the rest of the gang was sipping on beers just waiting for everything to get done.   
”Can I get one” Clarke smiled at Raven as the latina grabbed a mug and poured the drink they made earlier in it. ”Thanks” Clarke tasted it and realized they may have put a little to much vodka in it.  
”I know” Raven chuckled. ”It’s some heavy shit”  
”Well, get me one of those then” Finn laughed and Raven did was she was told.  
”It’s a long night babe, take it easy!” Clarke stroke his arm as he finished the drink in one go.  
”Well I’m making burgers for everyone I need to keep up with you guys”  
”I think you’ll be fine” Clarke laughed and he turned around to give her a quick kiss.  
”Now we have games to play till the morning!” Anya announced and made everyone turn around and raise their glasses to cheer the news.  
”And can we get two of those” Anya smiled at Raven who nervously grabbed two mugs to hand them over.  
”Cheers!” Anya smiled and Clarke had to raise her mug and cheer with Raven, Anya and…Lexa.   
”Woah” Anya shouted as she swallowed the liquor and Lexa made a grimace.  
”Yeah… we know” Raven laughed.  
”One more!” Finn yelled behind her.  
”Really?” Clarke asked him annoyed.  
”It’s a party… a celebration babe!” He smiled as he poured the next drink as fast as the first one.  
”Hey give me two of those so I can keep up with my bro here!” Bellamy smiled as he walked towards them and Clarke rolled her eyes.  
”Everything’s a celebrations” Clarke muttered to herself but obviously not to quiet since two green eyes started at her immediately.   
”COME ON GUYS, LET’S SIT DOWN!” Octavia yelled with Lincoln behind her who was carrying two bowls of salad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woa. It was a long gap between these chapters, let me see if someone is digging it and I will speed up.


	3. Phonecalls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner, lunch and hikes.

”The food was delicious babe” Lincoln smiled at Octavia while rubbing his tummy.   
”Hey some cred to the master chef bro” Finn said while pretending to be upset.  
”Well…My burger was a little burnt so…” Lincoln winked.  
”Guys should we play some soccer?” Anya asked as she finished the last piece of her burger.  
”Hell yeah!” Bellamy cheered.  
”I’m so full I’m not even gonna be able to leave this table” Raven sighted. ”I’m up for some drinking games though!”   
”Of course you are!” Clarke chuckled. ”Well actually that sounds better”  
”Well babe, that’s probably just because you suck at everything that involves balls” Finn laughed.  
”Well you mean other than your dick?” Raven fired back at Finn.   
”It was a joke… I mean she’s not…fuck, why so serious?” Finn struggled to save his stupid comment about Clarke, she knew she wasn’t good at any sport but she actually enjoyed playing some with her friends.  
”ASS!” Lincoln slapped his head lightly.  
”Sorry babe, it was supposed to be a joke… I would love to play with you later” Finn smiled.  
”EUW!” Everyone at the table realized how dirty it sounded and Finn buried his head in his hands.  
”I give up you guys!” And everyone started to laugh.  
”I wanted to be mad at you but you punish yourself so good that I can just sit here and enjoy your embarrassment” Clarke chuckled, she wasn’t really mad at all. Finn was usually a really great guy but when he had one to many drinks he sometimes became a douche. Not really something she should defend but she loved him and somehow could be blind to it. Raven and Octavia have asked her many times how she does it, she never really understands. He is a nice guy and some stupid comments here and there wasn’t the worst thing right? She hated it when he got drunk though, like really drunk. Clarke and Finn had have some nasty fights over the years, fights that made Clarke cry herself to sleep and wake up to a boyfriend who didn’t even remember how bad she had treated her the night before. No one knew about it, Clarke was ashamed. The things he yelled at her, the anger he had inside of him - the hurt. She didn’t want anyone else to be a part of that ugly mess. So she pretended with him, she woke up and smiled like nothing happened. She was not planning on doing it any other way. Maybe because she was ashamed or maybe to scared of the truth and that’s why some silly comments didn’t really bother her, it was nothing compared to those fights.  
”Babe” Finn kissed her cheek gently and she woke up from her thoughts. ”I didn’t mean to make you upset” he smiled.  
”I’m not” she smiled back.

***

The evening went by pretty harmless, they played some drinking games and had a lot of laughs at everyones crazy stories they experienced during the years. Monty and Jasper had the weirdest ones, but that wasn’t really surprising. They ended up playing soccer after all as well, it didn’t quit go so well since everyone might have had one to many, so after a short period of intense kicking the ball all over the place they realized it was time for bed.  
”I love you guys” Bellamy yelled as they walked together back to the house.  
”Yes this summer is going to be amazing!” Finn cheered and they all joined in.   
”Should we make a fire before bed and sober up a bit?” Lincoln asked. ”I can make some leftover burgers and bring some water” he suggested.  
”Sounds like music to my ears” Raven said with big eyes.  
”Alright then” he smiled while a ringtone suddenly filled their ears, all eyes turned to the sound and Lexa was the one to reach her phone in her back pocket looking at the screen.  
”Shit, I have to take this!” Lexa said quickly before she answered the phone. ”Hey, you wasn’t supposed to call unless it was important you know…” Was all Clarke could hear before the brunette was inside the house. Who could that be? Who would call this late? It was passed midnight. Clarke realized what she was doing and shrugged, no she didn't care. Nope.   
”Who could that be?” Lincoln asked looking at Anya.  
”You know my sister, do you think I have any idea” Anya sighted.  
”Sounded urgent…” Raven said.   
”Yeah…” Anya nodded.  
”Oh well, start the fire and I will get you guys some burgers!” Lincoln changed the subject and it didn't take long for them to forget about the phone call.

They didn’t do much, they spent maybe a little bit over an hour eating and just chatting. It was really nice and the subjects didn’t seem to end, they all had so much to catch up on and so much to tell that the conversations never really ended. It wasn't until Jasper yawned and everyone else got affected by it and yawned as well that they felt like it was their call to go to sleep. As soon as they got inside the house Clarke realized that Lexa hadn’t showed up after the phone call. She couldn't help but wonder what that was all about.

***

The next morning Clarke woke up early, sometimes when she drank she woke up early because her body was craving water. She looked over at Finn who didn’t seem like he would wake up in the next couple of hours. She checked the clock on her phone, 07:16 - well no one would wake up in the next couple of hours. She forced her body to sit up, taking it very slow since she could feel a headache coming her way. Water - coffee - food and she would maybe escape a hangover today. She reached for Finn’s white t-shirt and pulled it over her shoulders, she couldn’t care to put on any pants.

As she walked down the stairs she could tell someone else was awake by the sound of the coffee machine in the kitchen.  
”Who the hell is awake” Clarke chuckled as she entered the room but the smile was gone as soon as she saw Lexa turn around. She could feel green eyes staring at her bare legs and work her way up to meet the blue eyes.   
”Did I wake you?” She asked, Lexa was wearing short sweatpants and a tight t-shirt with her hair in a messy bun, it wasn’t really fair how good she was looking in the morning.  
”No… desperate need of water and umm coffee” Clarke said as she quickly made her way to the zink to fill up a glass with ice cold water.  
”Do you want me to pour you a cup, black right?” Lexa asked.  
”I drink it with milk now” Clarke lied, she didn't even know why. She just didn’t like the fact that Lexa remembered how she wanted her coffee.  
”Really?” Lexa said raising her eyebrows as she poured some milk into the cup and handed it over.  
”Yeah” Clarke said while taking her first sip, shit it tasted terrible and she couldn’t help the face she was making. Lexa looked at her curious before taking the cup away from Clarke, she poured it out in the sink and replaced it with new coffee, black this time. She didn’t say anything she just turned around and opened the fridge.  
”Do you want some scrambled eggs?” Lexa asked not looking at Clarke, instead searching for them in the fridge. Clarke wanted to say no but she also knew Lexa was excellent in the kitchen.   
”Sure” Clarke answered while taking another sip of her coffee. ”Thanks” Clarke mumbled raising her cup to Lexa, she just answered with a sly smile. As Lexa began cooking their eggs Clarke brought out her phone to distract herself from staring to much, she scrolled down Instagram and Facebook until a plate with scrambled eggs was placed infront of her.  
”Enjoy” Lexa said shortly before she took her plate and cup of coffee and went outside, probably eating her breakfast by the water or something. Clarke was happy she didn’t have to force an awkward breakfast with Lexa, the brunette seemed to have the same thoughts in mind.

After breakfast Clarke decided to take a nap, the sun was shining so why not bring a blanket outside to place on the grass and get a tan at the same time. She decided to place it close to the water, it wasn’t to make sure Lexa could get a great view of her body though, the brunette was reading on the jetty. Clarke knew it wouldn’t be as hot there, considering it was a bit windy by the water. She plugged her earphones in, she loved falling asleep to the sound of music. It didn’t take long until she wandered off to her dreams.

***

”What the hell” Clarke opened her eyes and was faced with Finn who was straddling her with a flower in his left hand. He tickled her once more on the cheek and suddenly she realized that she was outside.  
”Morning sleepy head” he smiled.  
”Good morning to you too” Clarke mumbled, she didn’t feel fully awake yet.   
”When the hell did you wake up?” Octavia laughed as she was walking towards them with what seemed to be the whole gang behind her.  
”Too early” Clarke whined. ”What time is it?” she asked.  
”11:34” Jasper smiled as he checked his phone.  
”Wow, I must of been tired” Clarke said more to herself.  
”Have you eaten yet? You must been starving we didn't want to wake you up for breakfast but I guess it’s time for lunch” Octavia really had put herself in the position of being mom to everyone in this group, Clarke didn’t complain though.  
”I had breakfast, but I’m starving anyway” Clarke pushed Finn gently away from her so she could sit up besides him instead.   
”Where you the one to make those delicious scrambled eggs?” Raven asked shook. ”I saw some leftovers when I woke up and finished the whole thing” Anya chuckled at the statement and Raven suddenly went shy. Clarke knew Raven was into Anya too, she was just too scared to admit that she could have feelings for a girl. She didn’t have problems with the fact, Clarke thought she had more problems with accepting herself.  
”Did you see my eggs the other day…” Clarke rolled her eyes. ”Lexa made them” the group of friends all looked at each other shocked before turning to the brunette who didn’t seem to like the attention at all.  
”Did you have breakfast together?” Finn asked seeming a little upset.   
”No I was making breakfast while she woke up and offered to do some extra that’s all” Lexa answered. It was weird how just some scrambled eggs could been such a big deal, no one would of react if it was Monty and Octavia or maybe Raven and Lincoln. It was just because of the fact that it was Clarke and Lexa, Lexa and Clarke - to be honest maybe it was a big deal.   
”Well…” Octavia could feel the awkward tension. ”I was thinking something easy, maybe pancakes?” she looked around and everyone nodded. ”Who’s gonna help me?” she asked while looking around, she stopped at Clarke and smiled. ”Anyone but the blonde over there please”  
”Shut up” Clarke joked as she stuck her tongue out.  
”I’ll do it” Lexa offered.  
”But we where supposed to take that hike today?” Anya pouted.  
”We’ll have time for that any day sis” Lexa said.  
”Maybe someone else can help me?” Octavia suggested.  
”No!” Lexa said a little to quickly. ”I mean…I offered, I’ll do it!” Something was off and Clarke didn’t seem to be the only one to notice.  
”You have been avoiding me since that call last night… what’s wrong?” Anya asked.  
”Nothing, I just don’t feel like hiking maybe Raven can join you?” Lexa asked turning around to the latina. ”Catch up a little maybe?”   
”If Anya don’t mind?” Raven asked.  
”You know what, I probably have more fun with you anyway” Anya stated while giving Lexa her typical ”I’m very disappointed at you” sister look.   
”Lunch will be served in an hour” Octavia informed them.  
”Make it one and a half” Anya smiled.   
”Deal!”

***

Clarke was bored, she was left outside with the boys who had been playing soccer all this time. She tried to join them for a while but they played much more serious today than they did yesterday. She was tired of her Spotify list at the moment, already had a nice swim in the water, checked all her social media and also begged for Anya and Raven to come back early. She wanted to hang out with Octavia but the fact that Lexa was in the kitchen too was killing her. Hanging outside with the boys was killing her even more.  
”You’re not allowed in here” Octavia joked as Clarke had forced herself to face her fears anyway.  
”Is it to early to have drink?” Clarke whined. ”I’m bored” Lexa was busily flipping pancakes.  
”What are the boys doing?” Octavia asked.  
”Stupid soccer, I suggested we did something else but no one could hear me… it’s almost like they play for champions league out there”  
”Are you really surprised?” Octavia asked.  
”No… I’m bored that’s all!” Clarke whined once more.  
”Have a glass of wine then” Octavia suggested.  
”You guys have to drink with me then”   
”We already are” Octavia chuckled and Lexa raised her wine glass still facing the pancakes.   
”Cheers” she mumbled.   
”REALLY?” Clarke said excited and upset. These girls had been drinking wine while cooking lunch, probably gossiping and laughing this whole time. Stupid Lexa. Stupid - Hi my name is Lexa and I want to destroy Clarke’s summer.  
”Here” Octavia reached her some wine and Clarke accepted it quickly.   
”See you at lunch” the blonde said while starting to move her way out of the kitchen.  
”You’re not staying? I thought you were bored out there” Octavia asked surprised.  
”Nah, still better outside though” and then the blonde was gone.  
”That’s probably because of me” Lexa sighted and finally had the guts to turn around again.  
”I don’t know why she is like this… don’t take it to personally” Octavia tried.  
”I hurt her…I thought that maybe we could be okay, friends… but I forgot how stubborn she is” Lexa took a sip of her wine.  
”Well she also always comes around… give it some time…”   
”She still hates me O, I feel so bad and I want to talk to her about it… but it has been five years? She dosen’t care about me anymore and she won't listen to some shitty apology now”  
”Lexa…one thing that I can assure you about - well yes maybe Clarke still hasn’t forget what you did, hell yeah Lexa you did hurt her bad…”  
”Thanks for the support” Lexa rolled her eyes but more in a - I know this already way.  
”You didn't let me finish… Clarke could never hate you Lexa, never” Octavia smiled this time and Lexa didn’t seem to know how to answer that. ”I was happy when Anya told me you would join us, not just because that I like you but the fact that I could force the two of you together - so both of you may get some closure. Maybe become friends, that’s my goal and I won’t give up” Octavia smiled proudly.   
”She can’t even be in the same room as me… so good luck with that” Lexa chuckled this time, she didn’t really find it funny but she would rather laugh to easy all the tension she was feeling in her body just because of these two days of seeing Clarke.  
”You’ll see, by the end of this summer you guys will probably have a drink together laughing at old memories, maybe even exchange phone numbers so you can keep in contact… you guys were best friends first, you share so much history and love for each other… It can’t just disappear, I won’t believe that, I mean don’t you miss her as a friend Lexa?”  
”Of course” Lexa sighted, the blonde had been stuck in her mind after all this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy too see some feedback on my last chapter so here you go, a quick update for y'all ;) Hope you like it!
> 
> Who do you think called Lexa?


	4. Tequila

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some new people join their summer.

”And then…” Raven had to gasp for air because she was laughing to hard. ”Clarke…she” More laughter, she couldn’t even finish the story.  
”She flipped the bucket of water all over her head” Anya laughed even harder.  
”OMG I CAN’T BREATH” Raven was crying of laughter, they where talking about one of their 100 pranks they did during collage, Clarke was always the easiest too fool… she was to gullible.  
”And Lexa” Anya was laughing hard as well, it didn’t make it easier that they where currently going downhill in their hike, they both stumbled down holding on to each other because of their hysterical laughter.  
”She was so mad!” Raven cried out.  
”Clarke was so confused”   
”Our pranks was the best!” Raven breathed in for a few times getting herself some time to get herself together.  
”Those where the days man” Anya smiled.  
”Yeah we had so much fun together back then” Raven said as she turned to meet Anya and smiled, they stared at each other a little to long and Raven felt the panic in her body and quickly turned away. ”I’m so ready for pancakes it’s not far now” she changed the subject.

***

”Why don’t you hang out with the girls instead of sitting out here alone” Finn smiled as he gave his girl a kiss on the forehead, the soccer game was over and his team won. He couldn't be in a better mood.  
”I’m not allowed in the kitchen, remember?” Clarke lied.  
”Aaw babe…” Finn threw his arms around the blonde and leaned in for a kiss.   
”You smell like sweat” Clarke stated but made their lips meet once more, this time allowing Finn’s tongue to explore hers. They kind of got lost in each other and an awkward sound of someone clearing their throat made them part and look towards the direction.  
”Umm… Octavia was wondering if you could help her set the table” Lexa was looking at the ground while speaking.  
”Sure” Clarke answered and leaved a quick kiss on Finn’s cheek before turning to the kitchen, Lexa was already inside again.   
”Setting the table is something I trust you with, decoration has always been your strongest side” Octavia smiled when Clarke entered the room.  
”Glad I can do something to help you” Clarke smiled back.   
”The plates and everything is over there, I just need you to carry it outside” Octavia informed her.  
”Can I help?” Lincoln entered the room.  
”You can tell everyone it’s lunch in five, any signs of Raven and Anya?” she asked.  
”TIMING!” Anya yelled behind them.  
”Do you think we would miss pancakes? I so deserve this after this hike, I’m exhausted!” Raven spoke.  
”How was it?” Octavia wondered.  
”It was beautiful, that waterfall, as you said… is worth it! Next time I want to jump in!” Anya babbled.  
”Hell yeah, me too!” Raven cheered.  
”Maybe we can all go someday?” Lincoln asked.  
”Yes babe, do you tell the guys it’s time?” Octavia smiled while giving him a quick kiss. ”Love you”  
”Love you more” Lincoln winked and then he was gone.  
”Lexa you totally missed something” Anya teased her sister.  
”Well, we’re all going so I can see that beautiful waterfall another day” Lexa teased back. ”Hey how about I’ll make you my famous hot cocoa tonight and we can sit by the fire later tonight” Lexa asked and Clarke couldn't help the sound that left her body.  
”Oh my god” she craved and suddenly all eyes where on her. ”Um… I’m gonna set the table” she said nervously, truth to be told. Flashbacks from her days with Lexa had created that reaction, the brunette always made her that hot cocoa. They had spent so many nights drinking it since it became Clarks favorite drink, she could still remember the taste of it. Man she had even tried to make it herself but couldn’t figure out how she did it.  
”That was weird?” Anya chuckled before turning to Lexa who was staring at Clarke leaving the room. ”Anyway sis, sounds like a plan” 

***

After lunch everyone separated to do their own thing, Jasper and Monty was away to pick up their girlfriends. They had all met in collage and knew each other pretty well, it seemed like a perfect match. Their girlfriends had been busily with some work and couldn't join them earlier. They had decide to have another barbecue later to celebrate their knew guests. Finn, Lincoln and Bellamy where out racing with the jets. Anya and Lexa where gone somewhere probably doing some sister bonding. Clarke was actually happy to have some alone time with her lovely best friends.

”So something happened” Raven said as they finally settled down outside with a some ice cold beers.  
”What are you talking about?” Octavia asked as she opened up three coronas and added some lime.  
”You know Anya and I where on that hike earlier?” Raven asked but of coursed they knew so they nodded. ”We where laughing and reminisced about our old crazy collage days…”  
”So what happened?” Clarke chuckled getting some flashbacks herself from all the times they had fooled her.  
”Like once we settled we kind of shared a look” Raven struggled to find a way to explain.  
”A look?” Octavia asked confused.  
”Like she looked at me in a way… you know that way” This time she looked at Clarke she knew the blonde would understand.  
”I told you!” Clarke gasped. ”What did you do?”   
”Well…I think I looked at her the same way without realizing it, then I stopped”   
”Stopped?” What do you mean?” Clarke wondered.  
”I can’t let her think that I feel the same way you know, I don't want her to get the wrong idea. I love Anya and I love our friendship… We acted like no time had passed and I don’t want to loose it again” Raven explained.  
”But how do you know that you don’t feel the same way?” Octavia smiled, she was with Clarke on this one she just didn’t push it as hard as her.  
”Because I don’t okay” Raven said a little annoyed. ”Just drop it”  
”You brought it up grumpy” Clarke teased.   
”Hows everything with Finn?” O changed the subject.  
”I think he want to take the next step” Clarke said.  
”Well I don’t know why you don’t want to move in with him, you practically already stay at his place all the time anyways” Octavia said knowing what Clarke meant.   
”Well I like having my own space… for my stuff…” Clarke’s whitewash was weak.  
”Bullshit, a new apartment means more space Clarke… what is really going on?” Raven asked.  
”I say just like you Raven, just because I don’t want to so drop it” It was Clarks time to be annoyed, she didn’t like this subject at all.  
”Alright… We just know how he can be sometimes, I heard some stories from my brother too… it can get ugly” Octavia said choosing her words carefully and Clarke could feel her stomach twitch. Of course Bellamy would know how Finn could be when he got drunk, they had a lot of boys nights together where Finn would come home super late with a really bad temperament.   
”Well we are okay” Clarke said while forcing a fake smile.  
”Well I got some news for you… and if I’m gonna make this work I need your help” Octavia once again changed the subject with a huge smirk on her face.  
”What is it?” Raven asked excited.  
”I want to…” Octavia dragged it out a little to tease her friends.  
”WHAT?!” Clarke was to curious to wait.  
”I want to marry Lincoln here, with all of my friends… at the end of the summer” Octavia said while she squeezed of happiness.  
”OMG” The girls jumped up from their chairs and shared a typical girl hug with screams of excitement.  
”Feels like being back in collage” Anya’s voice filled their ears and Lexa laughed a little behind her.  
”We are having Octavia’s wedding at the end of the summer!” Raven said excited and in no sec all the girls jumped up and down in excitement once again.  
”Thank you, I can’t believe I get to marry the love of my life and to spend a whole summer with my favorite people in the world” Octavia said as they all settled down a little and she got sentimental and they all shared happy smiles with each other.  
”Not everyone get to marry their soulmate, I’m so happy for you” Anya smiled and for a second Lexa and Clarke looked at each other. As their eyes met they both quickly looked away.   
”Hi” Raven made everyone turn to her as she answered her phone that probably had been on silence. She hummed yes a couple of times before turning to Octavia.  
”O, Jaspers girl has her sister with her, is that okay?” Raven asked.  
”Yeah sure” Octavia sighted. She couldn’t really say no could she.  
”Yeah, super. See you soon!” Raven finished the call. ”Girls let’s do some tequila shots to celebrate this!” She said with a huge smile on her face.

***

They day had gone by pretty fast, maybe it was the alcohol that made the time go by or maybe it was the fact that they had so much fun with each other. When Jaspers girl Vanessa, her sister Costia and Montys girlfriend Kylie had arrived they had all gathered for some dinner and drinks. They talked and got to know each other a little while sipping on some adult liquor.   
”Okay let’s play never have I ever” Bellamy suggested and everyone agreed.  
”Okay never have I ever been fooling around with two people in one night” Clarke asked and she Finn, Bellamy, Lincoln, Raven and Costia drank on the question.  
”What about three?” Octavia said jokingly to Lincoln who looked at her nervously. ”No? What, really?” Octavia had never been that type of girl to play with peoples emotions or make out with random people, she would probably go on a few dates first but she accepted Lincoln’s past. He wasn’t less of a man because of something he did when they weren’t together.   
”Okay… Never have I ever passed out naked” Finn laughed while staring at Clarke who glared at him ashamed while taking a sip of her drink but couldn’t help but burst out in laughter as she remember when she woke up that morning. Finn had been dying of laughter and Clarke hadn’t been able to move from the floor from laughing to hard as well. They laughed at the memory together and no one seemed to understand.  
”Well you aren’t the only one” Jasper laughed as he took a sip as well.  
”Never have I every made out with someone at this table” Vanessa asked and she looked a little surprised when everyone took a sip and laughed at the fact.  
”We are very close” Bellamy laughed.  
”Really?” Kylie asked shocked.  
”Well it’s not like we all had our taste with everyone but it’s mostly couples here or maybe a drunk mistake” Octavia laughed.  
”Okay never have I ever hooked up with the same gender?” Vanessa asked and Clarke glanced at Lexa and they both shared a little smile before drinking a sip, Anya and Costia had a sip as well.  
”So, any couple here?” Vanessa asked.  
”No” Lexa smiled.  
”So you’re single?” Costia asked with a smirk, why did she have to know if Lexa was single or not Clarke wondered.  
”Yes I am” Lexa smiled.  
”And what about you?” Costia asked Clarke.  
”I’m with Finn” Clarke answered.  
”Bi?” she wondered.  
”Yes” Clarke smiled back.  
”Awesome me too!” Costia laughed.  
”So we are three bisexuals here” Anya laughed.  
”What about you?” Costia looked at Lexa once more. ”Was it just for fun or experimental?” she wondered.  
”No, I just don’t swing both ways. I like girls, period.” Lexa chuckled.  
”Amen sister” Bellamy laughed and reached for an high five.  
”Love it” Costia smiled and Clarke hated the fact that this new girl was flirting with Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Hope you like this chapter, I love to read some feedback.
> 
> Christmas is just around the corner and I'm dreaming of summer, can't be the only one. It's to freaking cold outside haha! (I'm not the grinch though I love christmas haha)
> 
> Have an amazing day/night, friendly reminder that you're all beautiful and important.


	5. Paris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa gets an amazing opportunity.

Lexa was the first one to wake up the next day, it wasn’t really to any surprise. She had always loved morning and had no problem to wake up early but not lately. Work was pressuring her and occupying her mind to a point where she couldn’t sleep. She was stressed and tensed, she had try to go back to sleep but she gave up after 40 minutes of just rolling back and forth, left to right in the bed. A headache was sneaking up on her and she was glad the coffee was almost done. A sudden noise from behind her made her turn around, for a minute she thought it was Clarke but it was Costia who entered the kitchen.  
”You’re up early” Costia mumbled, she looked tired.  
”Always” Lexa informed her.  
”Same…It’s a blessing and curse” She chuckled and Lexa couldn’t agree more.  
”Coffee?” she asked.  
”Sugar and cream please”   
”We seem to have a lot in common” Lexa smirked, shit was she flirting? There was in no doubt that Costia wasn’t dead gorgeous. It was just the fact that Lexa hadn’t been at her A game when it came to dating. She hadn’t really have anytime for that in collage. Sure she had some flings but it didn’t really work out since Lexa always put school first and everyone got tired of her. She didn’t blame them, she didn’t feel anything real with them anyways. She wanted to, hell she even tried too like someone. That’s the thing though, you can’t force feelings and you can’t replace Clarke with someone else. Seeing Clarke with Finn was like a wake up call for her, Clarke had moved on. She had a new life that didn’t include Lexa who had been stuck in the same place for five years. Maybe it was time for her to really let go, she knew it was the blonde that had kept her holding back all these years.  
”So what are you up too today?” Costa asked and Lexa remembered that she wasn’t alone.  
”Since I’m up early I was thinking of making some phone calls” She informed her.  
”This early?” Costia wondered.  
”Well yeah, it’s the timezones… I’m calling Australia” Lexa chuckled.  
”That explains a lot” She laughed before she looked sudden disappointed and Lexa realized that Costa may have asked since she wanted to hang out. She was really out of her game.  
”Maybe we could take a walk or something afterwards? It won’t take long” Lexa smiled.  
”Sounds like a plan” Costia was back to happy.

***

”This is an perfect opportunity Lexa” She was currently speaking to her boss Indra.  
”I know, it’s just the fact that it’s in Paris” Lexa sighted. ”And that you want me to leave next week, I can’t to that”  
”Listen, you are the most dedicated student I have ever seen. Why would you not take this job? It would kick of your career” Indra didn’t understand.  
”I haven’t had a life in five years and I promised my sisters to spend the summer with her…”  
”She would understand”  
”Isn’t there any openings in New York or at least somewhere in America?” Lexa wondered.  
”I could look around but Lexa… Taking this job will make you skip all the dirty work you would have to do here…A year or two in Paris and you will come back and work as VD the next thing… If you stay here you would probably have to work five years to gain as much experience”   
”Can you push the offer?” Lexa sighted she knew this was too good to be true but truth to be told she had really looked forward to spend a summer doing nothing and just feel human again.  
”I can’t believe you actually are hesitating Lexa, this is not like you. What’s up?” Indra and Lexa had a great relationship, if it wasn't for Indra Lexa would of probably gone crazy in Sydney. From time to time Indra knocked her back to reality after drowning herself in school.  
”I just need to relax, it hasn’t even been a week and I feel more stressed now than I did back in school, I can’t sleep. I barely don’t know how to ”chill” anymore…I’m exhausted and just need a break, a little human interaction” Lexa explained.  
”Alright, I can give you five week Lex, that’s about it. You do deserve a break but that’s it… I’ll be in New York in two weeks, maybe you can at least come to my office and we can talk about this.”  
”Yeah… Maybe I can take two days I’ll call you soon”  
”Take care Lexa”

***

”I love morning sex” Finn said with a smug smile.  
”Yeah” Clarke smiled.  
”I been thinking…” Finn took a deep breath. ”Since Octavia and Lincoln are getting married and all…is that something you’re thinking about?” Finn had struggle asking his question.  
”Marriage?” Clarke asked and he nodded. ”I don’t think I’m ready… but yeah one day” she smiled.  
”I want to spend my life with you” Finn smiled as he caressed Clarks side and the words made Clarke flashback to a night a few weeks ago.

***

Mars 8

”YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR CLARKE” Finn screamed his loungs out.  
”Please don’t do this…” Clarke pleaded.  
”YOU DON’T LOVE ME, I’M JUST YOUR FUCKING REBOUND” Finn spitted.  
”I do love you” Clarke cried.  
”Huh… but I’m not enough am I” He mocked her.  
”Can we please talk about this tomorrow?” Clarke cried even more.  
”I HATE YOU YOUR FUCKING BITCH” Finn finished the last of his beer before he threw the glass to the ground and suddenly his living room was filled with a millionen pieces of crashed glass.  
”Don’t do this…”  
”What am I supposed to then?” Finn cried now as well, he seemed to slightly be panicking.   
”Just trust me when I tell you that I love you”   
”What about your journal I found then? Quote ”I don’t want to open up my heart to anyone again…”  
”STOP IT FINN” Clarke was the one to scream now.  
”…I don’t think I could love anyone as I love…” Finn continued.  
”Please” 

***

”Hey” Finn woke her up from her thoughts.  
”I’m starving” Clarke chuckled ignoring the fact he just told her he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.   
”Me too, I smell bacon” Finn chuckled to her relief and Clarke reached for the nearest clothes and Finn followed her lead.

Everyone seemed to be up as they entered the kitchen a short 10 minutes later, the table was set with bread, yoghurt, fruit, juice and all sort of stuff. Lincoln seemed to be in charge for breakfast this morning as he made bacon and scrambled eggs by the stove.  
”Morning sleepy heads” Bellamy smiled to them.  
”This looks amazing!” Clarke smiled.  
”And good timing, it’s done… has anyone seen Lexa?” O asked.  
”And my sister?” Vanessa chuckled.  
”Well Lexa is defiantly not sleeping” Anya stated.  
”NOPE” Lexa had snuck up behind her sister and scared her by grabbing her sides.  
”FUCK OFF” Anya complained and Costia laughed at the scene. ”You scared me!”  
”That was the point silly” Lexa smiled.  
”We have you been?” Vanessa wondered.  
”We took a walk” Costia answered and Clarke couldn't help but stop pouring her cup of coffee as she got interested in the subject. What the hell was going on between the two of them? Did they have a thing for each other?  
”And now I’m starving” Lexa chuckled.  
”Well shit yes me too, I was thinking of a calm morning walk but this girl was all hey ho let’s go power walk…” Costia joked and Lexa laughed.  
”Well why didn’t you tell me I was going to fast” she chuckled.  
”Omg get a room” Anya rolled her eyes.  
”BREAKFAST IS SERVED” Lincoln yelled and everyone seemed to be in a hurry to get to the table filled with food.

**

Lexa had been forced to think all afternoon since everyone seemed to be doing nothing but relax today. She was sitting by her laptop in her room answering some emails when she got the idea. What if she played an pretty ugly card… She knew Anya would kill her if she left early for an job, and not just any job… but moving to Paris. What if she put two awkward situations into one… Lexa had wanted to talk to Clarke since the first day, she had gotten the vibe though. The blonde wasn't interested in any apologies. Lexa could apologize and then tell Clarke that she would understand if she didn’t want to spend the summer with her.

The thing is she wanted the job, badly. She also wanted to spend the summer with her sister. Maybe she was asking for too much, maybe she wanted to much… because maybe she wanted Clarke too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter got deleted and I had to re wright it and it sucked! But here it is and I hope you like it! :)


	6. You broke my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Lexa and Clarke finally talk.

It had been a couple of days when Lexa finally had seek her opportunity to get Clarke alone, the blonde was inside while the rest of the gang was outside.  
”Hey” Lexa approached her in the living room and the blonde turned around looking slightly confused. ”Can we talk?”   
”I’m not sure we have much to talk about” Clarke mumbled.  
”Please” Lexa pleaded and was relieved to see Clarke throw her self in the couch to sit down.  
”So whats up?” She asked and for a second Lexa freezes, she hadn’t been alone with Clarke since that morning and to actually look straight into her eyes made her panic.  
”I know this is…” Lexa struggled. ”I just wanted too…”  
”Is this you trying to give me an shitty apology?” Clarke interrupted her.  
”Well… I know you don’t want one but I feel like I want to apologize anyways”  
”Thank you… are we done?” Clarke sighted.  
”Clarke…” The named rolled out of her mouth, she hadn’t said the name in forever and it felt strange.   
”Don’t Clarke me…You left me five years ago you broke my heart and now you want to apologize?” Clarke was starting to get annoyed.  
”I tried to talk to you.. you disappeared”  
”I disappear to Ravens cramped collage room and you applied for a collage in another country so I guess we are fair” Clarke rolled her eyes.   
”I tried to talk to you…” Lexa started.  
”YOU LEFT ME WITH A FUCKING LETTER LEXA” Clarke was up too her feet getting closer to the brunette.  
”WHAT THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO THEN?” Lexa screamed back.  
”YOU SHOULD OF TOLD ME THAT YOU WANTED TO MOVE TO AUSTRALIA” Clarke spitted.  
”I never thought I would get the spot” Lexa admitted as she tried to calm her self down, they where not teenagers anymore.  
”STILL LEXA…” Clarke stared into green eyes and Lexa’s heart was beating harder than ever. ”You could of asked me” Clarke breathed out, she seemed a little lost as well.  
”Ask you what?” Lexa asked confused.  
”Maybe I could of followed you too Australia.. maybe we could of been together, maybe I could of applied to a school there” Clarke answered.  
”You where so happy with your spot… Your family was close, your friends… It was your dream college and I couldn’t ask you to do that”   
”We have known each other since we where born… and you didn’t care to tell me and then you left me with a fucking letter…” Clarke scoffed. ” A fucking letter…” Lexa was speechless she didn’t know what to say.  
”YOU BROKE MY HEART” Clarke spitted as Lexa stayed quiet.  
”I never wanted it to turn out the way it did Clarke… It wasn’t easy to talk too you since you never answered my calls, emails, letters…”  
”Because you broke my heart Lexa…” Clarke took a deep breath. ”I can’t do this now…fuck”  
”We seem to have a lot of unfinished business…”  
”Just take your apology and save it too someone else… I sure don’t need this shit anymore” Clarke said as she stormed out the room. Lexa could finally relax her shoulders, she closed her eyes and breathed in a few times. That was intense and not what she expected at all.

”Can you believe this shit?” Clarke yelled as she came towards her friends.  
”What?” Octavia asked confused.  
”She wanted to fucking apologize” Clarke scoffed. ”Lexa is a fucking piece of shit… she drives me crazy”  
”I can see that” Raven raised her eyebrows, it had been a while since she last saw Clarke like this.  
”She has the nerves…”  
”Isn’t it pretty nice that she tried to apologize?” Octavia wondered.  
”I think it’s a little to fucking late for that?” Clarke spitted.   
”Shit man, here take this” Raven threw her a beer. ”Chill”

***

Clarke couldn’t focus that afternoon, after her little fight with Lexa her mind was all over the place. She remembered that day, or should we say week like it was yesterday. Lexa had come by her room with a letter in her hand, Clarke could tell right away that something was off. The brunette didn’t know how to tell what the letter said so she had given it over to Clarke. That was the first piece that broke in her heart, Lexa got accepted in Australia. It was Lexa’s dream collage and Clarke was deep down so proud of her. In the moment she was Lexa’s girlfriend who just found out that her better half had kept this a secret for her. 

They had an really ugly fight that day, they both cried and yelled for hours before Clarke stormed out. She disappeared to Raven for support and hugs and she stayed there for a week, Lexa called and texted her everyday but she needed time. As she finally felt ready to talk about this with her girl and decided to swing by the brunettes dorm room, that’s when her heart broke into a million pieces. The room was empty, there was nothing left besides a letter that said CLARKE. Lexa was gone and Clarke was heartbroken.

”Would you really had joined me to Australia?” Lexa’s voice filled the silence, Clarke was leaning against a tree enjoying the lake view.  
”To be honest… I don’t know maybe” Clarke was tired of yelling.  
”I don’t know if you finished the letter that day…”  
”Was it more than an acceptance?” Clarke wondered.  
”I could have the spot if I joined the semester earlier than expected I had one week to decide” Lexa stepped closer to Clarke and leaned on to the same tree.  
”You had one week?” Clarke asked. ”I always wondered why you left so early, I thought it was to get away from me”  
”Why would I ever want to get away from you?” Lexa turned to look at Clarke and the blonde felt shivers through her body as their eyes met. ”I was desperate to talk to you Clarke, I wasn’t ready to give you up and I wanted to fight for us”  
”I ignored you for a week” Clarke said blank. ”I just wanted to punish you a little, because I was mad… I came knocking on your door and found the letter…” Clarke breathed in. ”I pushed you away didn’t I?”  
”I wanted that spot Clarke…I just didn’t thought I would get in and for that reason I never told you about my application”  
”What a mess” Clarke chuckled and Lexa smiled back, for the first time in a very long time the blonde wasn’t feeing so much anger towards her ex.  
”I was heartbroken too you know” Lexa admitted. ”I mean you weren’t just my girlfriend, you were my best friend… the person I had known all my life, it broke me too”  
”I thought you left me… after that nasty fight we had… I was pretty harsh to you and…”  
”It was not your fault Clarke, I just wanted you to know that I wasn’t walking away feeling nothing, It seems to me that that is what you thought…”  
”We didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye… Didn’t you think I deserved a decent…”  
”Clarke” Lexa interrupted her. ”Believe I wanted too but I had to go… I couldn’t risk losing you and the spot. Maybe you think that was selfish but I was thinking about my future, I tried reaching you so many times but in the end I had to make that hard decision…”  
”To accept the the spot?” Clarke asked.  
”I wasn’t considering saying no, getting into that school really was a dream come true… I’m talking about leaving you”  
”How was Australia?” Clarke changed the subject, she wasn’t really sure what was going on between the two girls but the subject gave her anxiety.   
”Lonely” Lexa informed her.  
”HEY GUYS IT’S DINNER” Bellamy yelled to the girls from the porch and they both kind off jumped away from each other. Clarke was about to turn back to the house but Lexa grabbed her arm to stop her, the touch felt like electricity all trough her body.  
”I’m so sorry Clarke” Lexa looked into her eyes and Clarke could tell how desperate she was, she was probably the only one who could read Lexa like an open book.   
”I know” Clarke whispered. ”I’m not ready to take you in with open arms but I guess we should at least talk about this more…we owe each other some explanations and closure” Clarke sighted, she also noticed that Lexa was still holding on to her and that they where standing very close.  
”Thank you, I’d like that” Lexa was smiling now and Clarke realized that they had to get back to house before people where gonna start asking questions. ”We should go back” Lexa was already one step a head of her, Clarke already missed Lexa’s touch.

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some people wonder if Flarke is endgame and no it's not! I assure you, Clexa is endgame in mt story.
> 
> For Finn and Clarke, staying in an unhealthy relationship isn't that weird, people do it all over the world for different reasons... 
> 
> Anyways since it Christmas I wanted to give you another chapter a little earlier, Merry Christmas!


	7. The grocery list

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia needs some stuff from the store.

Clarke sort of avoided Lexa after their conversations about their past, it was a little to much to handle for her and Lexa seemed to respect her privacy. The blonde was kind off confused to be honest, she had spent so much time being angry with her ex but after talking to Lexa…she just didn’t know how to be angry anymore. She also didn’t know how to act around her anymore. They where more friendlier now, wasn’t really much talking between them since Clarke always seemed to have an excuse to get as far away from her as possible. Hating Lexa was easier, being angry was easier. 

They had been teenager when they parted, Clarke had been heartbroken but as time passed she had also matured and realized that she might have been a factor of them separating as well. It had been easier blaming Lexa though… after all she was the one who left a six year relationship and a lifetime of friendship with a letter. The brunette tried to reach her so many times during her first year away but Clarke was heartbroken and busily trying to repair her heart with Finn. 

It was her first week in her new school after the longest most depressing summer of her life, Clarke had been crying in her cramped college room when someone opened her door.  
”Shit, wrong room” Clarke quickly wiped her tears away and looked at the boy, his name was Finn she recognized him from her english class.  
”It’s okay…” Clarke whispered.  
”So why are a princess like you crying on a Friday night?” he asked.  
”Missing someone” she admitted.  
”Boyfriend?”  
”No…” Clarke was getting a little annoyed with all the question an he seemed to notice.  
”You know what, how about you follow me to this party I’m attending and I promise you’ll forget for a little while that your sad” he smiled.  
”Sounds fantastic!” Clarke would rather spend her night with drunk students than alone with her tears crying over Lexa.  
”I’m Finn by the way”  
”Clarke” she smiled.

***

Clarke and Finn became really good friends almost immediately, he was a great guy and he kept her mind off Lexa. She could tell he wanted more but she did inform him that she wasn’t ready for any relationship any time soon and he accepted the fact and continued being a great friend to her. Finn saved her first year in college and she was forever grateful and when Lexa called multiply times she would rather ignore it than risk going back to feeling like shit again, that was her way of dealing with her broken heart. She hated those phone calls until they stopped… it was sometimes during her second year. She should of been relieved but the only thing she could think of was the fact that Lexa had moved on, forgotten all about her… she wasn’t supposed to give up on her…But the phone calls did end, the phone went silent for weeks and Clarke realized it was time for her to move on as well. She had been stalking Lexa on Facebook seeing her in an tagged photo on what seemed to be a beach party with her school, seeing her for the first time in almost two years was like stabbing a knife to her heart. God she still missed her and it made her angrier than before. That night she asked Finn out on a date, telling him she was ready to look forward in her life instead of missing her past. He was happy about it.

So they started dating, Clarke grew feelings for someone else than Lexa. She thought that would be impossible but eventually she loved Finn. As more time she spent with Finn the more she forgot about the brunette who broke her… They spent the next 1 and half year in college dating and getting to know each other every day, he became her new best friend that she trusted more than anything. He really was an angel to her in every way well… not when he found out something two years later. 

”Clarke” It was the person she was thinking about that called her.  
”Finn…” she smiled, reminiscing about their first time in college made her all smiley.  
”Octavia is asking for you in the kitchen and I gotta run meet the boys, see you later babe” he informed her in a rush, she had been outside just staring blankly at the sky thinking.  
”Thank you” she got to her feet and was there in no time. ”O whats up”   
”I missing a few things for dinner tonight can you go by the grocery store I can’t leave all the food…”   
”Of course” Clarke interrupted her.  
”Well… It was a while since the last time and we need more than just a few things…” Octavia spoke nervously.  
”Show me the list I know you made” Clarke chuckled, she didn’t know why Octavia felt so shy asking her for a favor. To the blonde it was obviously she would help, anytime she could.  
”Don’t panic… we are a lot of people” O handed her an A4 paper that was filled with text, front AND back.  
”wow” Clarke chuckled.  
”RAVEN!” O yelled at the latina who entered the room in a second.  
”Shit what’s up” she asked.  
”Can you go with Clarke to the store?”   
”You know I’m going on that hike with Anya” Raven told her as both Anya and Lexa entered the kitchen as well.  
”How about you Lexa?” Octavia asked and Clarke freeze to at the spot, shit.  
”What about me?” she wondered.  
”Clarke need someone to help her with the grocery list” Raven told her. ”Me and Anya are going on that hike and I think the boys where off somewhere..”  
”I can do it by myself” Clarke looked at Lexa who stared at her and then down at the list she was holding.  
”Shit…no I’ll help you.” Lexa chuckled.  
”Off you go, you’re both angels but I need that onion in an hour if you want dinner tonight” O was stressed out and the best thing seemed to be going right away.  
”I’ll drive” Clarke informed Lexa and she just nodded, they reached the blondes car quick and jumped in, the put on their seatbelt in silence and as Clarke started the vehicle they both asked in sync.  
”Radio?” and both ended up laughing nervously, the next ten minutes of the ride to the store was both of them awkwardly sitting in silence avoiding looking at each other. As Clarke parked the car she felt the need to say something, it became ridiculous.  
”So we got Octavia’l list?” She asked stupid.  
”You have it, don’t you?” Lexa said confused and Clarke sighted, why did she say that?   
”Oh yeah” she nodded.  
”Clarke” Lexa suddenly turned around and they stopped close to the entrance. Lexa had this way of saying her name, she didn’t really know exactly what it was… it sort of rolled out the brunettes mouth in a way that had always made Clarke enchanted.   
”Why are we stopping?” The blonde asked.  
”Why is this painfully awkward?” Lexa raised her eyebrow. ”How can I ease the tension?” she chuckled and somehow acknowledge the situation made it easier and Clarke chuckled her self.  
”I don’t know…” she sighted. ”It’s weird you know?”   
”I thought that after our conversation things might be a little easier but it seems harder now?” Lexa wondered and she was absolutely right. If this had been a couple of days ago Clarke would have no problem chit chatting nonsense with her but things changed that day.   
”I just don’t know how act around you anymore” Clarke had no problem being honest with her.  
”So you have been avoiding me?” She asked and Clarke nodded.  
”It was easier being mad at you…” the blonde sighted.   
”So you’re not anymore?” Lexa smirked with big eyes and Clarke couldn’t help but smile back.  
”Oh shit… never mind” Clarke started walking inside the store and Lexa was romping right behind her.  
”That makes me happy!” Lexa smiled and Clarke was making sure the brunette didn't see her big smile on her face, she had missed this side of the brunette. The childish and foolish Lexa.   
”Okay… let’s get the groceries before Octavia kills us both” She chuckled.

***

Clarke was already in bed when Finn came into their room later that night, he undressed in the middle of the room only keeping his underwear.   
”hey” Clarke said.  
”Can I ask you something?” Finn laid down next her and crawled under their blanket.  
”Always”   
”Are you and Lexa… like friends now?” he asked and Clarke felt her stomach twist, they had never talked about her sober before.  
”I wouldn’t say friends but she did apologies” Clarke was confused.  
”And you’re just gonna accept it? After all these years of being angry and sad? Don’t you remember how I had to pick up the pieces of what she did to you?” Finn was upset. ”I didn’t even know who hurt you? I didn’t care I just wanted too see you happy!”   
”I haven’t forget, you don’t have to remind me!” Clarke raised her voice a little.  
”I still can’t compete with her can I?” Finn was getting more upset.   
”Why do you have to bring this up now? What the fuck?” Clarke spitted and Finn looked at her angry and went silent for a bit.  
”You know what… I’m sleeping on the couch tonight” Finn jumped out of the bed. ”And when you’re mature enough to talk to me the we’ll discuss this” Finn yelled back.  
”Don’t sleep down there” Clarke followed to grab his arm. ”They’re all gonna ask questions” she whispered.  
”Don’t you think the whole house hasn’t heard us already? I don’t care Clarke. I need to be alone” Finn said and slammed the door behind him, as soon as it became quiet Clarke broke down in tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone has a great holiday so far!
> 
> Thoughts of the chapter?


	8. NEW YORK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More back stories

The next morning was just as awkward as Clarke had imagined, the concerned and confused looks at breakfast was ridiculous. Everyone had probably heard their fight last night including Lexa, witch was the worst part of it.  
”Excuse me” Clarke couldn’t stand it anymore and took her cup of coffee and went outside, it wasn’t long until she heard footsteps behind her.  
”I’m sorry” The brunette stared at her almost scared.  
”You’ve done enough don’t you think?” Clarke asked her.  
”I didn’t mean to come between you and Finn, never. I just wanted to apologize to you…”  
”He saved me, you left me in fucking pieces and he was the one to pick them all up”  
”I heard…”  
”I don’t care what you heard last night you don’t know shit okay?” Clarke spitted. ”And now you are the reason I’m arguing with him, the irony huh?”  
”I didn’t mean to…” Lexa was getting upset she wasn’t prepared of Clarke being so mad.  
”I wish you hadn’t came here in the first place, you're like a storm passing by causing chaos and then you’ll leave with everyone else to handle the damage”  
”Clarke”  
”Just leave me alone Lexa” Clarke turned her heel and left the brunette at the spot.

***

Perfect, fucking perfect. As soon as she had made an effort to actually interact with Clarke it all falls into shit.  
”Why are you packing?” Anya entered her room. ”What the heck is going on?”  
”Coming here was a big mistake” Lexa sighted. ”Fuck”  
”So you’re leaving?” Anya closed the door behind her.  
”I have to go to New York, work related. It’s just seems like the perfect timing, I wasn’t supposed to but I think this is the best thing to do right now… please don’t argue with me on this. I’ll be back…”  
”I won’t” Anya could tell her sister was upset and she reached out for a hug. ”Come here” Lexa dropped the clothes she held immediately to cuddle up next to her sister.  
”I screwed up” Lexa said as tears filled her eyes.  
”That fight might have involved you, but you’re not the reason why they argued last night”  
”That doesn’t make sense” Lexa sobbed.  
”That seemed to be an old argument finding it’s way back, maybe you touched some old wounds but you can’t blame yourself for it”  
”It’s kind of hard not too…”  
”Go to New York, things will calm down here and if it still continues to be like this we can leave earlier okay?” Anya wiped her little sister tears away, it wasn’t worth spending the summer here if she felt like this. She cared more about her sisters happiness than a summer vacation after all.  
”You really mean that?” Lexa suddenly felt a little better. ”She don’t want me here, she told me”  
”Well Clarke didn’t mean that, believe me!”

***

Clarke felt bad about her outburst at Lexa, she didn’t mean to take out her anger on the brunette but she should of known better than to follow an upset Clarke. It hadn’t made her situation with Finn easier either but she couldn’t blame Lexa for it, that was just selfish. They had this problem for a while now and blaming her for it wasn’t an option. 

It was after three years of dating that Finn found out the truth about Clarks past, they barely spent any time at her apartment but that particular night it was closer and they had been tired after a long day. Clarke had been in the shower when she came out and found Finn going through her stuff in tears, it wasn’t just her old school books or kindergarten paintings. She had kept everything that had anything to do with Lexa, pictures, gifts, napkins from their first dates… everything. Also the journal that she had start written the summer when she left her. Writing down her feelings made the healing process a little easier so she wrote down everything. This was their first ugly fight, Finns was furious, hurt and upset. Clarke had been lying to him about Lexa since day one, to be honest he didn't even know she existed until that day. She understood his anger but at the moment she was more upset about the fact that he went through her stuff, or maybe she was angry that she got caught in her lies. Long story short, Clarke pleaded for Finn’s forgiveness and he gave in eventually. This was the turning point in their relationship, the part with guilt, hurt, trust issues, lies and tension. Clarke hated herself because of what she did too Finn, he became a different person and she blamed herself for it. He was there in her worst time of her life, she couldn’t leave him in his. So she took the ugly comments, the screaming, the yelling because she knew this isn’t the Finn she met four years ago, this is the Finn that she turned him into. He was hurt and she had tried to heal their relationship ever since… 

So she couldn’t blame Lexa for this, because this wasn’t her fault. Clarke was the one who had lied to Finn, she was the one who didn’t have the heart to threw away all of their memories. Because throwing them away meant that it never really happened, or that it was really over and Clarke just couldn’t do it. She also started blaming herself for what happened between her and Lexa, what if she had just picked up one of those phone calls? She saw that Lexa tried, that she fought for them but Clarke was to hurt too see the truth back then. The blonde saw an empty room with a letter, she thought Lexa was mad about their fight and that she had decided to just leave Clarke. Maybe she knew that deep down that was not the full story and maybe that’s why she held on to the memories.

Later that day when she saw Lexa with a bag on her shoulder hugging Anya and then leave in her car the guilt took over her body once again. Did she really make Lexa leave? She told her too leave her alone, she didn't mean she had to leave the house? Clarke didn’t know and she didn’t wanna ask Anya either, not now. This was supposed to be a fun summer, this was everything but it.

***

”He’s avoiding me” Clarke took a large sip from her wine. ”I screwed up big this time”  
”Why did you argue about Lexa last night? I just sent you for some groceries?” Octavia asked and Raven and Anya entered the room awkwardly.  
”It’s alright, join us.” And the girls sat down, O poured them two glasses of wine.  
”I don’t know what to tell him, how to assure him that I love him” Clarke sighted as she felt a tear slowly fall on her cheek.  
”Does…” Raven looked at Anya. ”Does he think your still in love with Lexa?” the latina asked.  
”Honest? I don’t know what’s going though his mind…”  
”You’re not telling us something” Octavia said and Clarke sighted, she might as well tell the truth to them. So she did, telling them the whole truth once and for all.  
”This explains a lot” Raven mumbled as Clarke finished. ”Clarke I can’t believe you never told us”  
”I was ashamed I guess…I should of threw all those things away…”  
”You and Lexa knew each other since you were born, it’s not weird that you didn’t want to threw them away… it’s the lying part that I don’t get” Octavia wondered.  
”I guess that I didn’t want to expose my vulnerable side to Finn. I couldn’t talk or even think about Lexa without crying in the beginning so eventually he stopped asking me question and we never really spoke about it. I was in a weird phase and he made me feel good I didn’t want to scare him away I guess.”  
”And then he found out in an ugly way” Raven sighted.  
”Yes…”  
”Talk to him Clarke, sober. It’s obvious something that bothers him, find out what it is and talk about it for real”  
”And Anya I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push Lexa out of the house. I feel horrible”  
”She’ll be back but she doesn’t feel very welcome here so it would be nice of you to tell her she is” Anya asked kindly.  
”Of course…” Clarke actually felt the need of Lexa, she already missed her presence. That was the dangerous part, as soon as she got a little taste of Lexa… it wasn’t even much, they may have only chuckled and exchanged a smile this summer but truth to be told Clarke was addicted to the brunette, she wanted more. Maybe that’s why she unconsciously pushed her away because she was scared to get to close.

***

Lexa lighted up a cigarette, a bad habit she picked up on every once in a while when she felt bad. Today was one of those days, she was currently living at an hotel close to Indra’s office in New York. It had been two days and she was supposed to leave the city today, she had spoken to Anya but somehow she couldn’t manage to move, to pack her stuff and get going.

Truth to be told she didn’t know if she was ready to go back and face all the drama back at Octavia and Lincoln’s summer house. The anxiety and stress she was dealing with down there was growing bigger and bigger and she could feel it taking over her. She wanted to shut herself out from the world, just focus on her work and forget about the rest. That of course didn’t appear to her when she actually for one time in her life wanted it… Lexa had these bad times when she became robotic and inhuman because of her dedication and desire to succeed in perfection, she became obsessed and unpleasant to be around. Clarke used to snap her out of it… she had been to only one to be able to knock her back to reality. Well… expect for that one time when Indra had to do it her second year in college…It all had it’s back story… 

Lexa had arrived in tears in Australia, she had written Clarke an explanation and was hoping the blonde would want to talk to her soon enough. She would understand right? Shit, she would of just told her that she had applied for the school but she only did it too see how far away she was to actually get in. That she got this golden opportunity wasn’t something she would just throw away… she had wished they had been able to talk about it more, about their future and goals but in this scenario they didn’t. She wanted to say good bye, hug the blonde harder than ever and kiss her a goodbye kiss she would remember. She didn’t want to leave after a fight with screaming and crying. She had a plan…They could see each other on the holidays, FaceTime, text, call and just do distance relationship… Clarks school was two years shorter than hers so she could join her in Australia the last years and maybe work or take some extra classes. In that way they would both go to their dream colleges without having to regret something in the future. Sure, Clarke living with her from the beginning would of been a dream come true but it was important that they followed their hearts and dreams now. 

It was just the fact that Clarke never answered to hear Lexa’s solution, she in fact didn’t hear from the blonde once. How could someone be so emotionless cold? They had been together for six years? Lexa loved Clarke with everything she had how could she not know that? She told her every morning how she loved her girlfriend, how much she meant to her, that she couldn’t live without her? Lexa loved Clarke more than anything and she knew Clarke loved her back. So why didn’t she answer? 

Lexa wasn’t one to give up, if Clarke was annoyed by the fact she would of changed number or at least tell her to stop but she didn’t… so Lexa kept calling and texting trying to prove how much the blonde meant to her, how she knew she screwed up and how sorry she was. She was of course stalking Clarke on Facebook, it was maybe one year later or more when she saw the photo Clarke published with her and someone named Finn. They had been smiling and holding hands and Lexa had broke down in tears. 

Clarke had moved on, Clarke didn’t care about how she tried to win her back, Clarke was with Finn and Lexa had made a fool of herself. How could she think that Clarke would wait for her? That just because Lexa could never see herself with anyone else than Clarke, that the blonde felt the same way? So she stopped calling. She became depressed. She was lonely, tired, sad and lost. She buried her self in school work, she could go days with no sleep and no food. She lost Clarke so she would not risk not being best here, she threw away the person that meant the most to her so she had to make the most of the situation. She was gonna be the best student to ever attend this school. 

So school was going great, Lexa’s health? Not so great. It was during an presentation that she passed out, her body screaming for help and rest. You could think that would be a wake up call but Lexa brushed it off and continued her manic behavior. Getting more classes, more late nights, harder studies… She lost weight, she lost friends, she lost track of time and she lost herself. She lost a lot off things but all she cared about was getting straight A’s. It was probably six months after the passing out that Indra had requested her in her office, she was the principal and Lexa assumed it was about her extraordinary grades.

It was about her unhealthy lifestyle, Lexa knew she had lost a lot of weight, that she was pale and that she had giant bags under her eyes. It was just the fact that Indra’s concern about her - not her grades - made her realize that it was bad. They had a long meeting that day, Indra told her how impressed she was at the beginning and had an extra eye on the her. She had seen her get straight A’s after A’s, joining more classes and was the star student she dreamed about. It was when Indra had looked more into the situation that she realized that it was impossible to take all of these classes if you didn’t study 24/7.

Lexa was ”grounded” from school, she was about to get really sick if she didn't stop to take care of herself. Her grades wouldn’t change, her perfect presence was not about to be affected but Indra didn’t want too see her in school for one month, Lexa also had to go to that beach party in two weeks. 

Indra probably saved her, Lexa still can’t think back on that time… First of all she don’t remember much of it, second of all she was scared of knowing how bad it was… So she decided to never go back on that path again, she started eating healthy and working out. Her new goal was being as healthy as possible and maybe forever grateful that Indra called her in that day.

That might be why she’s so scared to go back to the summer house… Being there rip up so many old wounds and Lexa felt her body aching. It’s not the same situation but Lexa was no longer blind to how her body acted, this was not healthy. Stressing all the time, worrying, not sleeping… Nope. She pulled out her phone and tapped away the text.

\- Anya, I have to stay a few more days… I don’t know when I get back but don’t worry about me. Have fun and we’ll see each other soon. I love you. -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day left of 2017... I'm excited about new years eve! 
> 
> BUT - we also had time for a last chapter in 2017!! 
> 
> Two questions for you!
> 
> Number one: Are you team Lexa or team Clarke? ;) Who was the A-hole in their break-up? Maybe both of them?
> 
> Number two: I get kind of excited when I finish chapters and want to upload them immediately but maybe it's more fun too wait a little between the chapters? Too have more excitement? Haha I don't know what do you think?
> 
>  
> 
> HAPPY NEW YEAR! Drink responsibility ;) and we will see each other next year! Cheeeers


	9. Are we okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Finn and Clarke have a chit chat and Lexa likes Clarks painting.

NEW TEXT  
From unknown

Hi, I’m sorry. I was angry and took it out on you and that wasn’t fair. You are more than welcome here, please don’t stay away just because of me. Anya misses you. Once again, I’m sorry. It’s Clarke by the way.

Of course she knew it was Clarke, she still had the same number that Lexa could probably mumble it in her sleep. Was the blonde really apologizing? She did not see this coming. It had been almost a week now and Lexa was actually starting to feel better. She talked to Indra about her situation and she understood her wish to get some more time in America. The offer had been absolutely amazing, she wanted to take the job in Paris. The thing is she had this feeling that if she did, she would probably lose something really important - or miss an opportunity. She didn’t know but her guts told her that she was supposed to spend the summer not working. She also felt like she could not keep this job a secret if she did end up taking it, this time she knew her chances and it would be extremely foolish of her to the same mistake twice. So as she read Clarks text for the billion time, maybe she just liked the fact that her name was back in her phone history, she tapped away an answer.

Hey. Thank you. I’m driving tonight so I’ll be there early tomorrow. 

She pressed send and was surprised by the quick response.

Super, drive safe.

She was being nice too? Lexa really was confused but somehow she didn’t really care because she was on Clarks good side. She didn’t know how that changed without even talking to each other for a week but she felt a huge heavy weight lift from her shoulders. She had been nervous going back tonight but she could not push it any further. This week made her realize that Clarke being mad at her wasn’t fair, this was not her fault… Finns word echoed in her mind ”I still can’t compete with her”, he had been talking about her. What was that all about? She also realized that Finn seemed very upset and angry that night, a little threatening and Clarke sounded… scared? The more she reflected on the night… the more she couldn’t understand it, there was to many question marks. Clarke had always been an strong independent woman but she pleaded for Finn even though he was very rude to her, it didn’t make sense. 

An alarm from her phone made her realize she was in a hurry, she was meeting Indra for lunch to go over the last details about Paris. She still had to make up her mind about it.

***

”You have to let this go Finn” Clarke and her boyfriend had decided to take a walk to avoid all ears and eyes. It’s been a week of them fighting back and forth about… she didn’t even know to be honest. They where both just annoyed by that fight a few days ago, they talked about, he apologized but it wasn’t okay between them. Clarke had been so tired of the fact about how childish they where acting, she knew Lexa was coming back tomorrow so they had to solve this issue. She told him that if they didn't talk about this she would have to take break from him, he didn’t want that so here they where walking awkwardly by the water.  
”Clarke… You know that I love you! Dang I think I fell in love with you the first time that I saw you, you where the most beautiful girl I had ever seen” Finn didn’t look at Clarke as he spoke. ”I fell for you so quick, you know I was in love with you when we where just friends our first year in college”  
”I’m not sure where you’re going with this Finn” Clarke asked curious.   
”That for me…” Finn took a deep breath. ”You’re the one Clarke”  
”So why are you acting they way you are Finn?” Clarke took the risk. ”Why are you being a total douchebag, that’s not you and I hate it”   
”I’m not the one am I?” Finn turned around and stopped walking.   
”You’re not answering my question” Clarke avoided his.   
”I know I’m a total ass… a fucking idiot! Maybe deep down I wish for you to leave me… I’m trying to destroy us, trying to push you away!” Finn was raising his voice a little, he seemed truly upset.  
”If you want me to leave then why don’t you break up with me?” Clarke was confused.  
”Don’t you understand?” Finn put his hands on Clarks arms and grabbed them gently. ”I can’t leave you Clarke, how could I ever leave the love of my life?” he looked into her eyes and she felt her eyes tear up.  
”I am yours!! And that is not an excuse to act the way you are, You treat me like shit!”  
”So why do you stay?” he asked. ”I know that I don’t deserve you anymore”  
”Finn! You are a great guy, you just need to remember that. You’re not a horrible person…”  
”I don’t want this to end”  
”Then I need a change, I need you to trust me”  
”Anything” Finn had tears running down his cheeks.   
”Lexa is coming back tomorrow, I need you to accept the fact that I want to be her friend again” Clarke looked deep into his eyes. ”Because if you can’t trust me, we can’t go any further than this. You have to get over my past”  
”Shit…Fuck I don’t like it Clarke” he sighted. ”But i’ll do it for you, I don’t want to loose you!”  
”Good”  
”So are we okay?”  
”For now” Clarke turned her heel and left him standing, everything was not okay. She was not okay.

***

 

The next day was a rainy day, so everyone was packed in the house. Clarke was sitting near the open fire in the living room painting by her self. Lexa was back, they had exchanged an stiff smile but that was it. The brunette had disappeared into her room with Anya almost immediately. It was strange, somehow with Lexa’s presence she felt more safe. She wasn’t really scared about Finn, he had never hit her or touched her aggressively. It was just psychical abuse, she hadn’t realized in the beginning that it was actually abuse but with time she felt how it slowly ripped her apart. It was like chocking and no one could hear her because no one knew about it, she was alone and had no one to talk too. It was hard to understand but making piece with Lexa… the brunette had always been an safety. So many memories brought back by seeing her…

Five years ago.

Clarke felt two fingers playing on her naked back, it was such a gently touch and she smiled. She couldn’t help it.  
”Morning sleepyhead” Lexa’s voice filled her ears and she turned around to face the beautiful green eyed girl. Clarke couldn’t even wait to say good morning until her lips had collided with Lexa’s, the shared an soft kiss and when their lips parted Clarke chased kisses all over Lexa’s face in joy of Lexa’s laughter.   
”Do you regret waking me up now” Clarke chuckled as she finally stopped kissing Lexa.  
”I wanted cuddles” Lexa admitted in the most adorable baby voice and Clarke melted, the brunette moved closer and Clarke turned around so she could be the little spoon. She leaned into Lexa as much as she possible could, she wanted to feel her as much as possible.  
”I love you” Lexa whispered as she pressed an kiss to Clarks neck and put her arm around the blonde.  
”I love you more” Clarke smiled in Lexa’s arms, in the arms she always felt safe and loved in. 

***

”That’s beautiful” Clarke felt her cheeks get red, the girl she had daydreaming about when they where naked in bed was now sitting on the floor next to her watching her painting.  
”Thank you” Clarke was a little embarrassed.  
”Always so talented” Lexa mumbled as she picked up and eyed the painting.   
”Keep it” Clarke was surprised by her own words, not that she wanted to keep the painting her self, she had just been sketching for fun and would probably throw it away but why the heck did she offer it to Lexa, what if she was just being nice to her?  
”Really? I would love too” Lexa smiled to Clarks surprise.   
”Yeah” Clarke smiled back.  
”Listen…” Lexa turned a little more serious. ”We don’t need to do this today but someday… but we need to talk. I don’t want to cause any trouble but I feel like we owe each other some honesty and truths once and for all” Lexa seemed to have that little speech prepared.   
”I agree and I owe you an apology too” Clarke answered and Lexa nodded in response, she was just about to turn around when she stepped a little closer to Clarke to whisper.  
”Are you okay by the way?” she wondered and Clarke was confused.  
”Yeah?” Clarke wasn’t sure what was going on.  
”I just want you to know that… If you ever need someone to talk to or if something isn’t right. I’m here” Green eyes looked serious into blue and Clarke felt her heart beating faster.   
”I scream at you… tell you to leave me alone and you tell me this” Clarke rolled her eyes about the situation, ”I don’t deserve this Lexa” she chuckled.  
”Well I still want that apology” she winked. ”But until I get it, I just wanted you to know that”  
”Well, right back at you then” It was so weird talking to Lexa again - it was weird being friendly, the situation was just weird but Clarke would rather have this than nothing.  
”Hey Lexa, shall we?” Costia suddenly interrupted them and the brunette smiled at the girl.  
”Oh yes…Ehm Clarke, Thank you for this” Lexa held the painting. ”and I guess we see each other later” the situation was so awkward and Lexa seemed nervous.   
”Have fun” Clarke answered and it wasn’t long until Lexa and Costia left the living room and she wondered what they where up too, she also recognized the feeling inside of her. 

Why was she jealous?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you like flashbacks? 
> 
> I hope you like this chapter! I love reading your feedback. 
> 
> Take care :)


	10. Dirty secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia wants to have a sleepover with the girls.

Lexa tried to focus on Costia’s amazing trip to Africa but she couldn’t, her mind was with someone else. She’s been so close earlier, smelling her… she still smelled the way she remembered her. She loved the smell of Clarke and she couldn’t help it. She knew that the blonde was with Finn now and she shouldn’t think off her this way. She was with someone else and it wasn’t fair…maybe it was just temporary. She would rather believe that at the moment and try to occupy her mind with something else.   
”That sounds amazing” Lexa switched back to reality and smiled at Costia.  
”Well I think you would of loved it, one day I wish to go back” she smiled back.  
”Well you should!”   
”Hey!” Anya entered the kitchen, it was still raining like crazy outside so everyone was still inside the house. ”Octavia got an idea”   
”Okay?” Lexa asked curious.  
”Since the weather is shit today and everyone is dying of boredom she decided that we girls should have an sleep over in her room”   
”Sleepover?” Costia asked.  
”Yeah she will make space for everyone, Lincoln and the boys are going to play Fifa all night so they wont disturb”  
”What are we supposed to do?”   
”Okay you girls need too get a little more positive, Octavia is super excited! She’s gonna prepare drinks, snacks and don’t show up in anything else than pajamas!” Anya informed them.  
”Sounds like fun” Lexa lied, being locked inside an room with Clarke was not really her plan for tonight. She would rather try to avoid her, she was scared of being close to her.  
”That’s the spirit!” Anya said proud before she left the room.

***

Clarke looked at her self in the mirror, she had changed her outfit three times, it was just a pajamas but she wanted to look good. It was ridiculous really, why would she want to impress Lexa? She wanted the brunette to look at her. She was annoyed that Lexa was hanging out with Costia, it was really bugging her and she knew it shouldn’t. It was just the fact that she and Lexa had just got to talking to each other again, she wanted to know Lexa again. They deserved another chance and there was no doubt that Clarke wanted it. Growing up with Lexa, becoming best friends, becoming lovers… soulmates? Even if Clarke should probably stay away from the brunette and work on her relationship with Finn instead… Five years without Lexa was five year living with something missing, she had never been without Lexa. She didn’t ever think she would have to live without her. They where supposed to be together forever -

but when her heart got broken five years ago she pushed away Lexa. In her world Lexa left her in such an horrible way, she deserved a real goodbye. Yes she ignored her for a week but how the hell was she supposed to know that Lexa had to leave after a week? It wasn’t fair any of it. Thinking back on it now she wonders how everything would of turned out if they did had time to discuss it that week. Clarke was stubborn, that was a part of her personality. She made up her mind that day, Lexa chose Australia over her. Lexa didn’t see the same future as her when she could easily leave the way she did and that is why she never answered Lexa. If Clarke was supposed to get over the love of her life she had to cut her out completely. If she answered and if Lexa’s voice had echoed in her ears she would probably break again, she was struggling keeping her shit together. Talk to Lexa was not an option back then - she wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t strong enough hear Lexa apologize and tell her it was over. She can’t blame anyone else for not talking to her back then, all she knew today was that talking to the brunette made her happy. To have Lexa back in her life would mean the world to her and she realized that now. She had never hated her, she hated how things ended between them. What if she once and for all fixed what she’s been so sad about all these years, what if becoming friends with Lexa would actually help her relationship with Finn? 

What if she could get back the old Finn? 

***

”So how are things between you and Finn?” Raven asked when everyone was sitting in a circle in Octavia and Lincoln’s room. They where all sipping on the Irish coffee Anya made them and was just chatting at the moment. ”If you want to talk about it” Raven assured Clarke, the blonde felt all eyes on her. Couple of days ago she wouldn’t want to share anything but she had realized that talking about it was easier, it got her thinking more clearly.   
”I don’t know” Clarke answered honest. ”We’re at a rocky point”  
”Are you seriously arguing about Lexa?” Anya asked.  
”Come on, shut up!” Lexa shouted at her sister.  
”Well there is no lie that we all heard their fight and I know you felt bad about it so why can’t we get the truth?” Anya spitted back.  
”Girls” Raven put a calming hand on Anya’s knee, there was no need for the sisters to fight. Clarke looked over and met two green eyes, it looked like the brunette wanted to sink through the floor.   
”It’s a long story, but no we’re not fighting over Lexa. We have our issues…” Clarke looked across the circle to get eye contact with Lexa. ”Don’t blame yourself please, this has nothing to do with you” Clarke looked into green eyes to make sure she understood, it took a few seconds but eventually the brunette nodded in response.   
”No why would you blame yourself over their issues” Costia was sitting next to Lexa and Clarke could feel hatred towards the girl at the moment. What the actually fuck?  
”I just told her that” Clarke stared at Costia and the tension in the room was anything but fun.  
”What the heck girls? I wanted a cute sleepover not a circle of angry girls” Octavia sighted.  
”We should probably change the subject” Raven suggested.  
”Yes, I just need a second” Clarke stood up and once again she felt all eyes on her. ”I’m okay, I’m going to the kitchen to grab some snacks and then i’ll come back” she informed them. She literally just needed a few minutes to calm her self down.  
”I’ll help you” Lexa was up to her feet and Clarke looked at her confused but didn’t say anything. As soon as they closed the door behind them Lexa grabbed Clarks hand and dragged her into her room that was only a few steps away.   
”I need to know” Lexa was standing to close and she was still holding her hand.  
”What” Clarke whispered, she was the one who was suppose to impress Lexa tonight but her eyes was eying the brunette up and down. Lexa was wearing short sweat pants so she could get a great view on her toned legs, a white tank top without a bra and her hair freely on her shoulders. It was painful to look away.  
”I can’t compete with her” Lexa repeated Finn’s words, the words that had been burning inside of her ever since.  
”Lexa” Clarke breathed, she had trouble concentrate and somehow Lexa knew. She took her free hand to stroke Clark’s other arm and the blonde didn’t know how to breathe anymore. ”stop”   
”I know there is something that isn’t right between you and Finn” Lexa moved closer, her hand reached Clarks neck.  
”You don’t know anything” Clarke was lost in the situation, Lexa’s fingers traced her neck so gently and she hated the affect the brunette had on her.   
”Not now but I will find out soon” Lexa had sneaked so close to whispered that her lips brushed Clarks cheek as she moved away. It was all over in a heartbeat, Lexa moved away and finally gave Clarke a moment to breathe. Lexa somehow looked proud when the blonde finally had the guts to meet her eyes again.  
”Don’t do this Lexa”   
”I’m not doing anything Clarke”  
”I’ll get the snacks” Clarke had to get out of there. ”Alone” she informed her before she rushed out of the room.

***

Lexa took a deep breath as she saw the door close in front of her, Clarke was gone and she snapped back to reality. What the hell did she just do? Why did she do that? She just wanted to make sure Clarke was fine, they we’re supposed to get snacks and that was about it. Her emotions and cravings for answers made her pull that spontaneous turn. She had to take another deep breath. Fuck.

The worst part was that she craved more now, she could feel a hunger grow inside of her. A hunger for Clarke. Fuck. She wasn’t surprised about the fact really, she was surprised how it made her act. She had just promised her self earlier that day to stay away from Clarke to avoid these feelings. She was not a home wrecker but still she wanted to wreck Finn in every possibly way. She hated seeing Clarke with him but that was selfish and she didn’t want to ruin anything more for Clarke. She needed distraction, real distraction. Something to keep her dirty secret thoughts away, to occupy them at least.

She needed Costia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fast update you guys! Fun! I wanted to give you another chapter quick since I probably won't be able to update over the weekend. (I have a life too haha) 
> 
> What do you think about the chapter? :) See you next week!


	11. Let go of her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa interrupt Clarke and Finn.

The next day was a sunny day, as soon as Clarke woke up after their sleep over she was out of the room. Last night had been intense and she just wanted to get out of there. After her let’s say conversation with Lexa last night she couldn’t focus on anything else. Lexa asked about Finn, Lexa was touching her, Lexa was too close. Why? It was getting to her nerves, why did she do it? Why did she play with her emotions like that? And why did she still have the same effect on her like she had five years ago. No, this had to stop! Clarke looked over at Lexa who was currently typing on her phone by the water. Clarke decided to go talk to her.  
”What the hell was that last night?” Clarke asked as she got close enough for the girl to hear her.  
”I don’t know” Lexa looked up, she looked a little ashamed.   
”What games are you playing?” Clarke didn’t stop, she kept walking towards the brunette when she tried to back away to keep distance.  
”I don’t know what got into my head” Lexa was out of options, a tree stopped her from going any further and Clarke was only inches away from her.  
”Don’t play with my emotions Lexa, you fucking know what you did last night” Clarke looked straight into her eyes and Lexa swallowed.   
”I couldn’t help it” Lexa whispered, it was super intense at the moment.   
”I’m with Finn now” Clarke caught Lexa staring at her lips and her heart beat was rising.  
”He’s treating you badly isn’t he” Lexa asked as her eyes met blue again.  
”You don’t know anything about my relationship” Clarke spitted.  
”Let me help you Clarke” Lexa put a hand on Clarks side and the blonde looked down to watch the sudden contact, Lexa was quick to let go. ”Sorry” she mumbled.  
”I don’t need your help Lexa”   
”You sounded scared Clarke!” Lexa changed her mind a grabbed Clarks hand and tangled their fingers together. ”Talk to me”  
”All I want Lexa” Clarke looked at their lingered fingers and broke the connection. ”Is for you to stop this!” Clarke took one step back.  
”I’m here for you Clarke, always” Lexa said sincere.  
”Well I don’t need it. So let it go okay” Clarke was done with the conversation and left without looking back. Why did Lexa care so much about her relationship with Finn, that was none of her business. 

Clarke went back to the house and found Finn sitting on the porch with Costia drinking beer together.  
”Hi babe” Finn smiled and Clarke stared at the two of them, since when did they became friends?  
”Whats up” Clarke needed a beer herself, she grabbed one from the table and took one big sip immediately.   
”Just talking to Costia here, she has been all around the world it seems” Finn chuckled.  
”I wouldn’t say that” Costia smiled.  
”Oh no!” Finn pretended to be upset. ”You just finished your story about when you went backpacking in Europe while I haven’t even been further than Miami”   
”Okay Okay!” Costia slapped his arm gently and Clarke wanted to puke, what the actual fuck?   
”Well I don’t want to interrupt the fun” Clarke wasn’t in the mood and to watch Finn have fun with Costia was the last thing in the world she wanted to do right now.  
”Clarke come on” Finn followed her inside the house. ”Don’t go”  
”You and me have problems and you would rather sit and drink beer with that bitch instead of working things out with me?” Clarke tried to keep quiet.  
”We just sat down for like fifteen minutes, you know that I want to work things out with you!” Finn grabbed her arm to keep her from walking away.   
”Funny way to show it!” Clarke pushed his hand away. ”Let go of me”  
”Where the hell is this coming from” Finn rushed his hand through his hair in frustration. ”Do you just want to argue with me right now?”   
”’Whatever” Clarke regret she even said anything.  
”Oh no… You can’t come to me and start saying shit and then walk away you hear me!” Finn grabbed her arm one more time, this time a little harder.  
”How much have you been drinking, it’s not even afternoon” Clarke could smell the alcohol in his breath.  
”Well I’m drinking because of you, this is your fault Clarke! And that fucking Lexa, you just can’t let go of her so we can go back to normal can you?” Finn was getting angry.  
”You’re hurting me Finn” Clarke felt the pain in her arm and her tears in her eyes, if she knew he had been drinking this much she wouldn’t of started this argument.   
”Let go of her” Lexa’s voice filled the room and Clarke wanted to throw up once again, this couldn’t be happening.   
”Oh isn’t it my favorite person in the world” Finn rolled his eyes.  
”Let go of her Finn, you’re hurting her. Do you really want that?” Lexa looked straight into Finns eyes. ”Last warning” Lexa stepped closer and to Clarke’s relief Finn let go.  
”Fuck this shit, I’m not hurting her…” Finn shook his head. ”We finish this later” he looked at Clarke and then he left the room. It was quiet and Clarke just stared at the floor wishing for Lexa to just leave but she didn’t, she felt an hand on her back.  
”Are you okay?” It was a whisper and for a second Clarke wanted to throw her self into Lexa’s arms and hug her tighter than ever.  
”Didn’t I tell you not to interfere in this” Clarke took a deep breath before she left the room too and Lexa didn’t follow.

***

Lexa went back to her room, the last 24 hours had been a lot to progress but all she cared about right now was Clarke and Finn’s relationship. Did he punch her? Was she to scared to leave him? What was going on? She knew she couldn’t rush this, if she did Clarke would just push her further away and that was the last thing she wanted. Last night all she wanted was to get Clarke off her mind to not destroy between her and Finn. She had thought some drinks and dinner with Costia could occupy her mind, she had been thinking of sleeping with her too. A summer fling wasn’t too bad right? Today she realized she could never do it… she couldn’t ignore it anymore. She was still in love with Clarke, she may have been lying to herself this whole trip. Sure she wanted to spend time with her sister but she sure as hell knew Clarke would be here too. There was a reason too why she hadn’t been able to be with anyone else than Clarke, Clarke was the love of her life. At first when she got here she had realized that Clarke was with someone else, she had moved on with a guy she had been dating for a long time and truth to bet told all she wanted was for the blonde to be happy. 

But Clarke wasn’t happy? She couldn’t be the only one too notice? She had been with Finn for years now, did she hide it? Is this recent? Lexa’s mind was exploding with questions. What the hell was she supposed to do? She knew Clarke was stubborn but there was no way she would just let this go. She had to prove to Clarke that she could trust her, that she was there for her. It doesn’t matter if Clarke feels the same way or not, Lexa just want to help her. 

Could she talk so someone, maybe Raven or Octavia? Her best friends, do they even know about this? Lexa hadn’t seen Finn like this the whole summer, he could easily been hiding his bad behavior behind closed doors. A good fucking liar. Lexa felt so bad for Clarke, she just wanted to held her in her arms and tell her everything was gonna be alright. 

***  
”So what do you guys want for dinner” Raven opened the fridge and started blindly into it. ”Clarke?” the blonde woke up from her thoughts and looked at Raven.   
”What?”  
”What about lasagne?” Octavia asked.  
”That sounds delicious, Lexa is actually excellent at making a killer lasagna” Anya said proudly about her sister. ”Where is she anyway, LEXA?” she yelled.  
”That sounds like plan” Raven said with big eyes while Clarke wanted to sink through the floor, she wasn’t ready to face Lexa yet.  
”Why are you screaming” Lexa entered the kitchen with her phone in her hand.  
”Can you make lasagna for dinner” Anya asked.  
”Today?” Lexa stared at the clock. ”I don’t know if…” her phone made a sound and her sister stared at it annoyed.  
”Why is that phone always sealed to your hand? Who are you constantly talking to?” Anya rolled her eyes.  
”No one… sure I make dinner”  
”You’re not getting out of this that easy!” Anya reached for Lexa’s phone and stole it right in front of her.   
”Give it back” Lexa sighted but Anya went running around the table with Lexa shortly behind her.   
”Someone stop her!” Anya was laughing while Lexa suddenly got stuck in Ravens arm, she laughed in defeat. ”Let’s see” Anya said with a big smile as she looked at the phone, the smile disappeared after a second.  
”What’s wrong?” Lexa said curious and Raven let go of her, it was quiet in the room and everyone stared at Anya confused. ”Anya?” 

 

”You’re moving to Paris?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I love reading your comments and thought on the story, it's nice too read different theories and opinions. 
> 
> How do you feel about this chapter? 
> 
> Take care :)


	12. Lexa's black t-shirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn wants to work on things with Clarke.

”Well say something” Anya crossed her arms and Lexa swore inside of her head, shit she had forgot to tell her. Her mind had been all over the place since she got back from New York.  
”It’s not what it looks like” Lexa said nervously.  
”It looks like you’re about to move to Paris so what am I missing?” Anya said upset.  
”That’s what she does best…” Clare joined the conversation, she looked hurt. ”Leave”  
”I’m not…Can you guys please let me explain before you jump to conclusions?”   
”Yes let her speak guys” Octavia said in agreement.   
”I got an job offer that’s it” Lexa knew that was a poorly explanation. ”I don’t want it but my boss keeps pushing it, it’s an amazing opportunity and she thinks I’m crazy for even have to consider it”   
”Why didn’t you tell me?” Anya asked.  
”I promise, I was going to. I didn’t want you to find out like this, never… I honestly forgot” Lexa was speaking the truth. ”I was not planning on leaving” she looked at Clarke this time, the blonde had a sad look on her face.  
”Why aren’t you taking the job?” Raven asked.  
”I been gone for five years, I would have to spend maybe two years in Paris. I’m tired of being lonely I guess”  
”But if it’s a great job…” Octavia looked at her confused. ”You always been so dedicated, it just doesn’t seem like you”  
”I got a little too dedicated in college…” Lexa took a deep breath, no one knew about her mental break down. ”It got to a point where I had to take 1 month to recover, it was bad”  
”What the hell?” Anya was shocked. ”You never told me”  
”I was ashamed and I’m actually scared to move to another country alone again, if Indra hadn’t notice that I was…” shit Lexa felt her eyes get teary, to actually tell someone made it so real and it all came back to her. ”Sorry”   
”Come here” Anya brought Lexa into a hug. ”I wish you would of told me”   
”Sometimes it’s scary to admit things you’re ashamed off” Clarke almost whispered and Lexa looked at her, she knew that the blonde was speaking from her own perspective.  
”It feels good to tell you guys… You think you can handle everything on your own but sometimes you need help. There is no shame in that” Everyone got a little confused by Lexa’s speech, she didn’t care. It was all directed to Clarke anyway.   
”Amen” Raven smiled.  
”Sorry I forgot to tell you about Paris” Lexa looked mostly at Anya. ”And thank you for understanding”  
”Is there any chance that you’ll take the job?” her sister asked.  
”I have the summer to think about it incase I change my mind” 

***

Clarke closed the door behind her, she looked over the mess in her and Finn’s room and sighted to herself. She walked over to the window and watched over her friends, she looked at Jasper and his girlfriend Vanessa. They where playing badminton and was laughing every now and then, it looked so easy and natural for them. She wanted that. Lincoln and Octavia looked even more in love today if possible, they where actually getting married and she couldn't be happier for them. Marriage seemed so far away for Clarke. Bellamy and Finn was playing soccer with Monty, Finn seemed happy. He was laughing, joking and showing off his skills, how did it end up this badly? She thought about apologize for starting that fight earlier, she usually did but it didn’t feel right this time. She had nothing to be sorry about, right? 

Lexa and Costia was walking together by the lake talking, she wondered if Lexa had dated many people during her time in Australia. She sighted, there was not fair of her to be irritated by Costia, she probably had no idea about their past and also they broke up years ago. Lexa could be with whoever she wanted to be with, even if she didn’t like it. That was none of Clarke’s business anymore but Lexa didn’t leave her business alone. Why was she so invested in her and Finn’s relationship? Why did Lexa make her question Finn’s behavior more than usual? There was a reason to why she was so ashamed earlier, Lexa walked in on one of Clarke’s deepest secrets. How Finn was speaking to her and how he held onto her, it wasn’t normal. She knew that but she didn’t thought anyone would ever notice. Of all the people, Lexa had to be the one too witness Finn’s bad behavior but she didn’t know the full story, she didn't know why he acted the way he did. She also wanted to tell Lexa not take that job in Paris, her heart almost dropped when Anya asked the question in the kitchen earlier. The brunette said she wasn’t going too… she wanted to believe her. 

Clarke avoided going to bed that night, she didn’t want to face Finn yet but she was getting tired, she was currently scrolling through her phone down in the living room. It was passed midnight and everyone was asleep already, she didn’t want to sleep next to Finn but she didn’t want to sleep on the couch either. She didn’t want to knock on Raven’s door because then she had to explain everything, Octavia was with Lincoln and she sort off was out of options. The only person who she wouldn’t have to explain too was Lexa but knocking on that door meant that Lexa would know she was right, that everything wasn’t right between her and Finn. She looked at the time, 02:32, okay shit. She sneaked up the stairs and probably took five minutes just staring at Lexa’s door before she knocked carefully. It only took a few seconds until the door swung open.  
”Clarke?” Lexa’s had a raspy sleepy voice and the blonde took a step inside of the room and closed the door before she said anything.  
”I…” Clarke didn’t know how to explain or even ask but Lexa seemed to understand, she went to her drawer and grabbed a black t-shirt and threw it too her.  
”You can change in the bathroom over there if you like” Lexa pointed to the room but Clarke didn’t mind, she took her pants off right in front of Lexa who looked at her with desire. It wasn’t long until she was standing in her underwear, both just staring into their eyes. Lexa didn’t move, she didn’t know what was going on.  
”Or you can change right in front of me” Lexa mumbled, her heart was rising as Clarke moved closer to her.  
”Nothing you haven’t seen before right” Clarke whispered.  
”Are you okay?” Lexa had to go back to her side of the bed, as she crawled under the covers she was relieved that Clarke had finally put her shirt on. She wondered if she stared to much, if the blonde noticed her drooling about her?  
”Can we not talk about it?” Clarke asked as she sneaked under the sheets as well.  
”Sure…Good night” Lexa rolled over and faced the opposite side to Clarke, it was silent for a while and Clarke kept looking at the sealing. ”Not tired?” Lexa mumbled into the dark.  
”I’m scared he’s gonna wake up and find out i’m not there” Clarke couldn't believe she was admitting this. ”He’s really drunk”  
”Come here” Lexa turned around and motioned to Clarke to be her little spoon, the blonde hesitated at first. ”I’m not gonna do anything inappropriate” Lexa tried to make a joke and it seemed to work because Clarke chuckled a little. She felt Lexa’s body behind her and as soon as Lexa wrapped her in her arms she felt safe. It was such a beautiful gesture because Clarke could tell Lexa didn’t want to make it weird, it was so gently and soft.  
”I’m not letting him hurt you” Lexa whispered and Clarke don’t know why but she could feel a tear slowly fall on her cheek. It wasn’t long until she finally fell asleep to the sound of Lexa’s breathing.

***

The next morning Clarke woke up feeling a lot better, it took a second before she realized where she was. She woke up to the sound of foot steps and the smell of coffee.  
”Sorry to wake you up this early” Lexa handed her a cup of coffee, black.   
”What time is it?” Clarke asked as she rubbed her eyes.  
”06:12” Lexa smiled shyly. ”I thought that maybe you wanted to sneak out before everyone woke up” Clarke melted by how thoughtful that actually was.   
”That’s a good idea… thank you and for this” Clarke pointed at the coffee. ”Where you the only one awake?”   
”Always, you guys sleep too at least 10 o clock, Costia may wake up soon though” Lexa informed her.  
”So I should hurry?”   
”No… she usually wakes up, drink her coffee and then she goes for a walk… she’s usually gone for at least an hour” Lexa explained as she took a sip from her coffee.  
”So you two are the only early birds in the house” Clarke stated the obvious.  
”Well you kept me company once” Lexa chuckled.  
”Oh my god” Clarke remember that morning and put her face in her hands feeling ashamed.   
”I’m sorry if I forgot the milk today” Lexa laughed.  
”Come on” Clarke sighted as she threw a pillow on Lexa, it was accidental but it made the brunette spill some coffee on her shirt. ”Oh shit” It was Clarke’s turn laugh.  
”Really?” Lexa looked at her now dirty shirt in an surprised but sneaky look.   
”I didn't’ intend to do that” Clarke chuckled.  
”So this is funny but not you lying about drinking your coffee with milk” Lexa smiled, even wider because it was a long time ago since she saw Clarke fool around.  
”I was just pissed off” Clarke admitted.  
”Well I could tell about the grimace you made” Lexa laughed as she threw back the pillow at Clarke and the blonde laughed defeated. 

***

Finn was quiet, he stared at the ground as he and Clarke was sitting in the grass a part from the house. He hadn’t say anything else than that he wanted to talk to her, he had woke up around 12. He had looked at her filled with regret and anxiety, probably super hangover.  
”Did I hurt you last night?” Finn didn’t look at her, he played with the grass and Clarke took a deep breath.  
”Yes” Clarke did the same and started play with grass in her hands.  
”I’m not sure what got into me last night, I would never want to hurt you Clarke. I’m so sorry… I’m stupid” Clarke didn’t say anything. ”Listen you know that I love you more than anything and you know that last night… that wasn’t the real me. You know me Clarke”  
”I know”   
”I feel like it got worse with Lexa being around and I’m sorry… but how would you feel if I had a past lover sleeping in the same house”   
”I wouldn’t like that”   
”No… Maybe you you could like, not hang out with Lexa for a bit. So you and me can work this out first.”  
”You don’t want me to be friends with Lexa?” Clarke asked as she touched her shirt, she was still wearing Lexa’s shirt from last night. It smelled like her and she liked it.  
”You can be friends…just not right now when we have so many issues to work on. You can do that for me right babe?” Finn smiled and caressed Clarks back gently, she stiffed at the touch.  
”Do you promise things will get better?” Clarke whispered, she was really getting tired of this.  
”I promise”

”Okay, I’ll stay away from Lexa”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I know I know, we don't like Finn. Can't he just go away already?
> 
> Hope you like this chapter! :)


	13. Ying and Yang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa takes a hike together.

It was the the end of June and they had almost spent half of their vacation at the house, it had been an intense summer so far. Clarke reflected on it everyday, she and Finn was somehow okay at the moment. At least they where not fighting but Clarke was just disgusted by him somehow, she stiffed every time he touched her. He noticed and they hadn’t been intimate in days. 

Her and Lexa wasn’t speaking much either, Clarke missed her. She wanted to help Finn, to be there for him but it felt like she was loosing Lexa all over again. It was not the brunette that avoided her it was Clarke who did. She felt bad because she could tell on Lexa’s face that she was upset every time she entered the room and she left. At least keeping some distance made her and Finn at piece at the moment. He had complained about why she didn’t let him kiss her anymore though, she couldn’t explain it. He just had to give her some more time and he tried. Sometimes he tried to come onto her while they where in bed, she pushed him away every time.

It was a Sunday morning, the friends had been staying up late Saturday having drinks. Clarke had gone to bed early so she was the first one up the next day. She tried to be as quiet as possible when she made her way down to the kitchen, Lexa was already in there just staring at a glass of water.  
”Rough night?” Clarke asked as she began making some coffee and Lexa grunted in response. ”Coffee?”  
”Yes please” Lexa rubbed her temples.  
”We take them go, you always felt better with some fresh air and a stroll” Clarke stated, she was actually happy Lexa was awake. It had been a few days and she could hang with her for a bit right?

They walked in quiet for a while, Lexa just breathed carefully taking her time. It was a nice morning, the sun was shining and they had decided to walk that hike Raven and Anya did in the beginning of summer. Clarke was thinking she might take a swim when they reached the waterfall, she was sweating.  
”So you’re not avoiding me anymore” Lexa broke the silence.  
”You noticed” Clarke shyly smiled.  
”Yeah…Kind of made me sad. Did I do something?” Lexa finished her coffee and put the cup in her bag.  
”No…It’s just…Finn wanted us to work on things and…”  
”He wanted you to stay away from me…” Lexa rolled her eyes as she finished her sentence. ”I’m not surprised really”  
”It’s just temporary”  
”Can we be honest here Clarke? Can I ask you something?” Lexa began walking a bit slower.  
”Sure”  
”Why are staying with him? He’s abusive”  
”Because I turned him into it… It’s because of me…”  
”Wait stop” Lexa grabbed Clarks arm and they stood in front of each other. ”Are you saying it’s your fault he’s treating you like this?” Lexa raised her eyebrows shocked.  
”Can I be honest with you?” Clarke quoted Lexa.  
”Of course” And Clarke explained to Lexa what happened, how he found out about her stuff and read her journal. Clarke spoke for a while and Lexa hummed and listened carefully.  
”First of all…Clarke” Lexa looked into her eyes. ”I’m sorry that you thought that I didn’t love you anymore, I called because I freaking missed you like crazy. Because I was so in love with you… I didn’t want to end things with you, I wanted us to work things out”  
”I thought that if I didn’t pick up…” Clarke was getting teary. ”It wasn’t for real, that we weren’t over” She sobbed.  
”Babe…” Lexa was surprised by the nickname but brushed it off. ”Come here” They met in a hug and Clarke don’t think she had ever held onto something so hard. Lexa did the same, they hadn’t hugged in years and it felt like they had to make up for that. ”Why are we both idiots” Lexa chuckled as she sobbed as well. Lexa didn’t want to pull away but she did, she had to talk some sense into Clarke.  
”And second of all” she told her. ”You are not the reason why he acts like that, Clarke don’t you understand that he’s just showing his true self. He is a grown man who can’t blame his action on someone else.”  
”He wasn’t like this in the beginning”  
”Okay… let’s say something else happened. Like what if he found out about your one night stand with Bellamy? It was a long time ago but still… they hang out all the time don’t you think he would react badly to that?”  
”He’s not gonna find out about it”  
”You’re not hearing me Clarke. This is all Finn… you deserve better than to be in a relationship where you just blame yourself for everything he does”  
”This is not him” Clarke tried.  
”It’s not an healthy relationship… and it’s not gonna get better Clarke, probably just worse.”

***

”Is Finn flirting with Costia?” Raven pulled down her sunglasses to get a better sight off the long haired boy.  
”Where?” Anya asked and looked at the direction. Finn was putting on lotion on Costa’s back while they where laughing at something she said. ”What the hell?”  
”Where’s Clarke?” Octavia asked.  
”Lexa is gone too… I’m putting two and two together” Anya informed them.  
”What’s going on between Clarke and Finn, have you noticed how weird they act?” Raven said as she stared angry at Finn. ”I always had a bad feeling about him” she mumbled.  
”I found Lexa upset the other day… she didn’t tell me much. She just said something to do with their relationship and I don’t know” Anya tried to remembered what she said.  
”Do you think Lexa and Clarke…?” Octavia asked as she opened a Coca Cola.  
”No…” Anya looked at her. ”Can I have a drink too?”  
”Clarke would never cheat on Finn” Raven stated.  
”And Lexa is just happy their friends… all though I’m pretty sure she’s still in love with her” Anya took a sip of her Cola.  
”I thought she was having a thing with Costia?” Octavia asked.  
”It looks like she’s more interested in Finn over there” Raven said angry.  
”I don’t know really…” Anya sighed.  
”Well something isn’t right… Clarke is keeping something from us” Octavia was talking more too Raven.  
”And I think Lexa knows about…” Anya said.  
”I think Clarke still loves her too” Raven said. ”She never really got over their breakup, that’s all I know… She may think that she has but I don’t think she’s very happy with Finn, maybe in the beginning but not now…Something is off”  
”Well… I don’t want to be selfish but I want everyone to be happy at my wedding” Octavia said. ”We should talk to her, we are her friends and if somethings wrong I want to be there for her”  
”Ditto” 

***

Lexa and Clarke had reached the waterfall, they had left the conversation in an awkward way where Clarke just decided that she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Lexa knew that it was because Clarke knew she was telling her the truth and she didn’t want to face it. The blonde just didn’t want to believe it but Lexa wasn’t gonna give up. She just had to take one step at the time.  
”Wanna jump in?” Clarke turned to Lexa with a smirk. ”I’m so freaking hot” She laughed and Lexa was thinking yeah you are.  
”Same…I’m sweating out all the alcohol from yesterday” She chuckled as she took her shirt off and pushed off her shorts.  
”You look amazing” Clarke covered her mouth in surprise. ”Like I mean…do you work out or? Just you know…” Lexa laughed as she pushed the blonde to the side.  
”You’re coming or not weirdo?” Lexa dived into the water, did Clarke think she looked good? She stayed under the the water for a second so she wouldn't come up to the surface all red. The complement made her shy but she acted like it was nothing. She heard noise besides her witch meant Clarke had jumped in too.  
”It feels amazing” Clarke smiled as they both reached for air.  
”This was a good idea… I feel like I cured my hangover.”  
”I told you it would make you feel better” Clarke smirked but Lexa could think of one more thing that would make her feel better.  
”You do know your ways” Lexa laughed and they swam towards each other.  
”I’m really glad to have you in my life again” Clarke said shyly. ”You make me happy”  
”I’m happier” Lexa smiled. ”It may sound cheesy but where like ying and yang.”  
”That’s cheesy” Clarke laughed. ”But I always felt like something was missing when you where gone, I don’t anymore so you might be right”  
”So stop avoiding me” Lexa winked, she couldn’t help it. It was like she couldn’t control her flirting around Clarke, especially when she was so close.  
”I won’t” Clarke smiled. ”Can you touch the ground?” she asked.  
”Yeah I’m standing on my toes” Lexa laughed and Clarke tried but her face went under the water and when she came up Lexa laughed at her.  
”I’m getting tired of pushing myself up” Clarke complained.  
”Hold onto me” Lexa suggested but instantly regretted it as Clarke put her arms around her neck.  
”Omg that’s nice” Clarke closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them they met in a gaze, Lexa couldn’t breath. Blue eyes was filled with desire and hunger and green couldn’t look away. Clarke leaned in closer, Lexa should stop her but she was completely hypnotized by blue eyes. Clarke was so close Lexa could feel her breathing on her lips, it was so intense. A second later Clarke broke that one inch that separated them and their lips collied. It was gentle and Lexa finally brought her free arms around Clarks back and brought her closer. Lexa was somewhere else, she wasn’t thinking straight all she knew that every single feeling she felt five years ago was still there. It was like they where lost in each other and the rest of the world disappeared until Clarke separated them and Lexa came back to reality. They just stared at each other and every gut in Lexa told her this was wrong even though it felt so right.

”I’m sorry” Clarke breathed as she let go of Lexa. ”I can’t”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooola my fellow readers, I have a question for you! I'm doing videos on youtube and I'm wondering if you guys would be interested in like a trailer for this fic? Let me know!
> 
> Anyway... I hope you like this chapter! You know I love feedback!


	14. Scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The friends prepare for a party.

Clarke was shaking, she had rushed out of the water because she didn’t know what to do. She kissed Lexa and the brunette had kissed her back. It was so bad and she was scared of the consequences. The kiss though… oh my god, she felt it in her whole body. It wasn’t just butterfly’s in her stomach it was billions of horses galloping. She freaking liked it too much. She put her clothes back on in seconds.  
”Clarke” Lexa rolled out her name carefully. ”Relax take a few breaths” The brunette kept distance as she put her clothes back on as well.  
”This is bad” Clarke couldn’t relax.  
”Do it with me” Lexa breathed in and Clarke followed, they breather out together and repeated it for a few times. ”Let’s go back” Lexa said as the blonde felt a little better, they walked in awkward silence all the way back.

As soon as they reached Octavia’ and Lincoln’s backyard Finn came towards them.  
”Hey…Where have you been?” He asked.  
”Just for a walk” Clarke answered, Lexa just stared at the ground. It was awkward knowing that Finn had asked Clarke to stay away from her.  
”See you later” She peeped and was gone in seconds.  
”I stayed away from her… I’m not going too anymore” Clarke knew what Finn wanted to say.  
”You’re not making this easy are you”  
”It’s not about her anyway” Clarke told him but flashbacks to their kiss they just shared made her eyes flicker.   
”You know what Clarke..Whatever, do whatever you want to do” Finn frowned.

***

Lexa’s plan was to go straight too her room and close the door behind her and probably stay there for the rest of her life. Kissing Clarke was just gonna complicate things… what if she was gonna loose her because of this? At least know she knew…she still loved Clarke. Yes, she was willing too fight for her but not like this. Clarke had bigger issues and for Lexa to throw herself at her now was just gonna end up badly. The blonde needed to let go off Finn…she was just really hiding behind ”I still loved you Lexa and I hurt Finn so now I have too make it up for him”… Isn’t more fair to let Finn find someone who can actually love him? That she maybe can turn him back too that guy he once where. If that’s even possible…But Lexa knew now, Clarke wasn’t in love with him, she was just feeling guilty and was to scared too face the truth… that she was in love with someone else. She felt it when they kissed, they both felt it, it was sparks, lust, hunger and longing. They never broke up because they didn’t love each other anymore, they ended things because it just became a shitty mess of miscommunication and misunderstandings. That kissed they shared today just confirmed it.  
”Lexa” Octavia stopped the brunette in the kitchen.  
”Hey girls” Lexa said since Raven and Anya was there too.  
”We were thinking of having a little party tonight” Raven smiled.  
”Aren’t you guys hangover?” Lexa said shocked.  
”Well today marks the middle of the summer, we thought we could celebrate this” Octavia said excited.  
”Or we just want another excuse to get shit faced” Anya joked.  
”What’s the difference from any other day here” Lexa winked and they all laughed.   
”I’m thinking beer pong, water games, some delicious meat on the grill, music” Octavia was praising it.  
”Sounds like fun!” Lexa smiled, actually she could use a drink tonight.  
***

”Wow this looks amazing” Jasper said happy as he entered the kitchen with Vanessa holding two bottles of vodka. Octavia, Raven, Clarke, Anya and Lexa was all preparing for dinner. ”For drinks” He smiled.  
”Super, Raven you’re the pro do you want to prepare some cocktails?” Octavia asked.  
”Hell yeah I hate cutting onions” Raven said excited as she turned around too see where all the noise came from.  
”Come on” Octavia complained as Finn, Bellamy and Lincoln stormed in yelling about something.  
”Girls…we’re starving” Bellamy slurred.   
”You’re all fucking drunk” Anya eyed them.  
”Finn made us play some drinking game and well…yeah this happened” Lincoln chuckled.  
”You told us it was a big party tonight so I took the fellas for some pre-drinks” Finn winked and Clarke looked at him, this was not gonna end well. She knew he was mad at her for hanging out with Lexa again.  
”Jasper! You need to step up your game” Bellamy pushed him a little.  
”Monty, Kylie and Costia are in the bathtub we can join them!” Jasper suggested. ”Unless you girls don’t want any help?” he asked.  
”They’re fine!” Finn laughed. ”Come on guys!” He gave Clarke a small look before he turned away.  
”I don’t want you in my kitchen anyways” Octavia stuck her tongue out. ”Don’t get to wasted, we have the whole night!” She gestured them to leave and the kitchen was back at piece.   
”I’ll be right back” Clarke hands was shaking and she didn’t want anyone to notice. She left the room and went upstairs to one of the empty guest rooms, it wasn’t long until she heard footsteps behind her.  
”Can’t you see how bad he makes you feel” Lexa whispered as she closed the door. ”You don’t have to live like this” Clarke was not facing her, she couldn’t look her in the eyes so she stared blindly at the wall.  
”I don’t know how too leave him” Clarke whispered as she got teary.  
”I know that you felt the same thing as I did today” Lexa put a hand on Clarks shoulder making her turn around to finally look at her. ”I love you Clarke”   
”I’m scared of you too Lexa” Clarke looked her in the eyes. ”Scared of you hurting me”   
”I’m not saying you’re ready to jump into an relationship with me Clarke…But you can’t stay with him either, it’s not healthy and you know it”  
”I’m scared” Clarke felt tears streaming down her face.  
”I’m here and I’m not leaving you ever again” Lexa looked into the blue eyes she fell in love with years ago, she knew that she wanted to do anything in her power to make them happy again.  
”If I lose you…” Clarke had to control her breathing from crying to hard. ”I don’t think I can go trough that again”  
”You won’t!”  
”Finn is angry…” Clarke looked at her hands they were still shaking so Lexa took them in hers to calm her down.  
”Stay by my side tonight…I won’t let him get to you”   
”Thank you” Clarke sobbed as she reached for a hug, she buried her face in Lexa’s neck while the brunette stroke her back, she could probably stay in that position forever.

***

The rest of the day went by pretty stressful, the girls where switching from preparing food or getting ready for the night. Anya was helping people with their makeup while Octavia gave orders in the kitchen. Raven was making sure everyone was always having something to drink while Clarke was responsible for the music. Every now and then someone from the bathtub came walking in dripping water as they picked up more beers and chatted for a bit. Octavia sighed every time since she had to dry the floor. Bellamy came in as the girls finally was ready with everything and smirked at them.  
”Looks amazing girls!”   
”I need you guys to prepare the grill!” Octavia informed him. ”It’s our turn to relax”  
”Of course sis, I’ll get em”  
”Yes everything you need is in here, I’m gonna tell Kylie and the sisters to set the table and prepare outside”  
”Yes…BOYS!” Bellamy yelled and it wasn’t long until them stumbled in laughing.  
”Where’s Finn?” Clarke asked as she noticed him missing.  
”He stayed with the girls” Jasper answered and Clarke felt sick in her stomach as she walked outside. She looked over at the bathtub and saw Finn laughing with the girls, asshole.  
”Hey” She walked towards them.  
”Hey babe” Finn smirked.  
”They need you to help with the grill” She informed him, she really just wanted him to go away from the girls and to her surprise Finn jumped out almost immediately and brought her into his arms.  
”I’m getting all wet” Clarke complained as he laughed.   
”Let loose…Have some fun! We’re all just happy and friends here right” He said and she could obviously read between the lines.   
”Yeah” The girls from the pool cheered him and Clarke rolled her eyes as she remember how he used to charm her like that.  
”Can you take it a little easy” She whispered.  
”I’m okay I promise” He winked as she gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before he left to help the boys.

Clarke looked at him sway away worried, she looked back at the girls and saw Costia smile as she watched him leave. She took a deep breath and tried to convince herself that she was only making things up in her head.  
”Hey are you okay” The brunette was once again there to check on her.  
”Lexa” Costia cheered happy. ”Join us… a lot of ladies for you here” The boys wasn’t the only drunk ones.  
”Octavia need your help” Lexa said as she looked a little annoyed by them comment.  
”Don’t listen to her” Clarke told her.  
”You heard her” Vanessa said and the girls climbed out, they all threw towels around them and as Costia walked by she leaned in closer to Lexa.  
”I guess we’re gonna have to have some fun later then” She smirked and Lexa just stared at her as she disappeared. Clarke stiffed at the thought of them together, her whole body rejected it and she couldn’t help but feel jealous. If this was years ago when they still where together she would of probably put her arm around Lexa and say something like get the fuck out of here she’s with me.  
”She seems to like you” Clarke felt like she had to say something.

Clarke could feel it, this was going to be an intense night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO I MADE A TRAILER AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT! :D
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CArCh6ZbVSM&feature=youtu.be
> 
> Let me know what you think! Take care :)


	15. Strictly friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They party continues.

Clarke finished the last of her beer as she eyed Finn as he was playing beer pong with the boys. She knew she wouldn’t get away this easy, she knew being friends with Lexa was gonna fire back at her somehow. He was already getting really drunk but he wasn’t bugging her - he wasn’t really talking to her at all and it was very strange.  
”Can I ask you something?” Raven sneaked up besides here with two beers in her hands. ”Here”  
”Thanks…yeah go on” Clarke nodded.  
”What’s going on between you and Finn?”   
”Did Lexa tell you?” Clarke looked at her surprised and Raven shrugged.  
”No, I’m asking you because I ain’t stupid and now I’m sure somethings wrong”   
”Fuck” Clarke took a big sip of her beer. ”It’s all a fucking mess Rave” She sighed.  
”Wanna talk about it?”   
”I fucked up…” Clarke looked at her best friend and just thought fuck it, i’ll tell her. ”I kissed Lexa today”   
”Okay…” Raven wasn’t sure what to say.  
”And she thinks Finn is being abusive towards me but she doesn’t understand”  
”Or is it you that doesn’t understand he’s an asshole?” Raven raised her eyebrows and Clarke looked at her surprised. ”Listen Clarke, you have always praised that shit of a man but I have never really understood what you’ve seen in him all these years”  
”He was there for me when Lexa left”   
”So he was a shitty replacement of her?” Raven was always with the tuff love.  
”No…” Clarke swallowed.  
”You kissed Lexa today, I think that say a lot in how much you really love him. You keep saying it but I have never seen it”   
”You’re harsh”  
”I’m honest and what about that abusive shit you talked about what’s that all about?” Clarke knew why she wanted to have this conversation with Raven, even though she hated it she knew Raven would say nothing but the truth.  
”Well…He gets pretty aggressive when he drinks, he calls me things and scream at me…It’s complicated”  
”Complicated in my ass…why the fuck do you take it?”  
”He is mad that I kept all the memories from Lexa, he read my journal and he sort of thinks I’m not really over her… he didn’t act like this before”  
”Clarke are you kidding with me?” Raven gestured with her hands, getting irritated. ”It’s not your fault that he is insecure… and there is no excuses to act like that ever”  
”But…”  
”No Clarke… I can’t believe you never told me I would of kicked you’re ass long time ago. He is not worth it, you deserve better and I…” Raven took a deep breath. ”I’ve seen you this summer…You’re not that happy girl I remember, you always hide behind a weak smile but I can tell you’re hurting in your eyes.” Clarke was shocked that Raven had noticed and was pretty speechless. ”And…you kissed Lexa because the two of you belong together, because you’re still in love with her” Raven continued when Clarke stayed silent.   
”I feel like I broke him” Clarke looked over at Finn.   
”You can’t fix what’s broken”   
”How can I move on… knowing that I created a monster?” Clarke finally spoke the words she was thinking.  
”You didn’t create a monster, he just hid it well in the beginning”

***

Lexa watched over at Raven and Clarke who seemed to have an intense conversation and she couldn’t help but wonder what they were talking about. She finished her food and walked over to the table with alcohol and looked at it. It was too much to choose between.  
”Gin and Tonic?” Costia smiled as she came towards her.  
”Not my thing really” Lexa told her.  
”White Russian?”   
”Yeah” And Costia made the drink in seconds and handed it over. ”Thank you”  
”You can thank me in other ways” Costia smirked as she leaned in closer and Lexa stiffed.  
”Costia…” Lexa took a step back.  
”Don’t be shy we are like the only single ones here, let’s have fun I know you watched me out”  
”You’re beautiful and I would probably have loved this a couple of weeks ago but I can’t”  
”Are you serious?” Costia said angry, she obviously couldn’t take someone saying no to her and took a step back as well.  
”Yes” Lexa nodded, she really couldn’t see her self ever with this girl now. She felt zero attraction to her.  
”Your fucking loss…” Costia spitted as she turned around and left the spot.  
”She looked mad” Clarke chuckled as she looked over the alcohol ”It’s like too much”  
”I know right?” Lexa pointed at her drink. ”White Russian… and I just rejected Costia that’s why she looked mad” Lexa chuckled and Clarke smiled back.  
”I would be mad too” Clarke flirted and she couldn’t help it as she made her drink.  
”Really” Lexa smirked and Clarke nodded and the brunette wanted to be happy by the fact but she couldn’t because it was wrong. ”You shouldn’t flirt with me Clarke”  
”I know…” Clarke looked at her drink ashamed.  
”I want to be here for you but you know how I feel and you’re with someone else. If you and me are gonna have an honest chance we need to do it right this time. I don’t wanna mess this up”  
”Like strictly friends?” Clarke asked.  
”Yes” Lexa nodded. ”You and me need to sort a lot of shit out first”  
”Like broken promises, heartbreak, trust issues” Lexa nodded.   
”That’s a lovely list of what’s wrong between us” Lexa said ironically and Clarke chuckled.  
”And then there is Finn…” Clarke sighed. ”Raven thinks I’m crazy for staying with him this long”  
”It’s never easy to walk away from an abusive relationship Clarke, as the victim you often blame yourself or come with excuses for him/her…and it’s scary to ask for help”  
”One second I hate him, the other I get jealous then I think I love him and then I hate him again…it’s really confusing”   
”It’s because you’re not ready to face the truth” Lexa told her.  
”What is the truth then Lexa, can someone please tell me because I’m freaking tired of living like this”  
”You’re not in love with him. You probably never were. You tried to replace the damage I made with Finn, you hurt him and now you blame yourself for everything he does… You’re not guilty because you think you turned him into this… you’re guilty because you know he’s speaking the truth. That aggressive and drunk Finn knows that you’re still in love with me” Clarke dropped her plastic cup with liquor on the ground, she was shocked by the speech and it felt like she was naked in an audience. ”You never fell out of love with me Clarke”  
”That’s not true” Clarke prepared a new drink to distract her self a bit.  
”I’m not gonna push it… but you know it’s true. Isn’t more fair to Finn to let him go?”  
”Don’t you understand? He won’t go he won’t leave me alone!” Clarke was getting upset.  
”Okay relax” Lexa looked her in the eyes. ”We can talk about this later”   
”Can we just get so fucking drunk that I won’t have to think about this”  
”Not the greatest idea but let’s have some fun… let’s play some games with the girls”

***

The night went by pretty smooth, they where all playing games together and had fun, it was getting pretty dark so the boys decided to make a fire. Clarke realized that both Finn and Costia where missing. She looked over the yard and spotted two silhouettes by the water.  
”I’ll be right back” Clarke said to the girls ant pointed to the direction and they all nodded understanding. Clarke moved slowly towards them and as she got a clear sight she saw what her whole body had been frightened about, they were kissing.  
”Finn” she yelled it out loud and they both jumped away from each other and she felt anger taking over her body.  
”Clarke” Finn answered nervous and she got close to them.  
”Get the fuck out of here” Clarke spitted and watched Costia run away. ”Is this a fucking joke?”   
”Clarke… this is just”  
”Fucking what Finn? You have put me through so much shit because of Lexa and now you’re the one that is cheating?”   
”You wouldn’t even kiss me”  
”So? That doesn’t mean I give you freaking free card to make out with someone else” Clarke pushed him slightly in his chest, she was feeling her anger taking over her. Everything she kept inside wanted to come out. At this moment she wasn’t scared, just angry.  
”You know this is your fault Clarke…If you just wanted to fight harder for us” Finn was getting upset too.  
”No” Clarke shook her head. ”You can’t blame this one on me… this was all you” Her eyes got teary. ”I freaking defended you time after time…telling everyone that you’re a great guy. That it wasn’t you…” Clarke wiped her tears away in anger. ”But I see it now…you have manipulated me all these years haven’t you? That it’s gonna get better, making me feel bad for how you act”  
”SHUT UP” Finn snapped. ”What the fuck are you talking about”  
”Is everything okay?” Bellamy’s voice broke their intense eye contact and they turned too see that everyone was staring at them shocked. They probably yelled louder than they thought.  
”Yes this is between me and Clarke” Finn yelled back at him.  
”It’s over Finn” Clarke sighed. ”We are over”  
”WE’RE NOT OVER YOU HEAR ME?!” Finn screamed and Clarke took a step back, he looked lost. ”DON’T WALK AWAY FROM ME CLARKE!” He took a step closer. ”YOU LOVE ME”  
”I don’t love you…” Clarke whispered scared of his reaction.   
”Take it easy Finn” Lincoln yelled back.   
”EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP” Finn couldn’t be still, his hands where all over the place.  
”You where right all the time” Clarke spoke louder this time.  
”What the fuck do you mean?”   
”It’s Lexa… it has always been Lexa” She knew she had to put the ugly truth for him too realize it was truly over but the second she said it she felt a hard slap on her cheek and it all went black. The last thing she heard was people screaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooooaaaa...comments? 
> 
> Don't forget to watch the trailer for an Unexpected summer: 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CArCh6ZbVSM


	16. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy takes care of Clarke.

Lexa saw how Finn pushed Clarke in the face, she fell to the ground and seconds later he kicked her in the stomach. Lexa was seeing red and it seemed like everyone else did the same, Bellamy threw his whole body on Finn and they both fell to the ground.   
”WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Bellamy screamed and Lexa watched how he hit Finn multiply times before Lincoln separated them.  
”Get Clarke inside!” Lincoln spitted to Bellamy, Lexa could hear crying and she was guessing it was someone next too her.   
”Is she okay?” Lexa ran towards Bellamy who was carrying Clarke, she had passed out.  
”I need to get her inside and call the hospital, she blacked out and I don’t know why” Bellamy rushed towards the house as Lincoln came dragging Finn.  
”You’re gonna get your shit and get the fuck out of here, I don’t care how but you can’t stay one more second at this place” Lincoln was actually scary when he was serious but Lexa just couldn't let Finn go that easily so she stopped them from walking by. She stepped closer to Finn and looked him straight into his eyes.  
”You stay away from her” She whispered before her right hand hit his cheek. ”You fucking” the left on his chest. ”Piece of” Lexa watched how Finn covered his face with his hands and saw her golden opportunity, she kicked him right in the crotch. ”SHIT” Lexa was satisfied to see him bend over in pain.  
”Okay that’s enough” Lincoln informed her. ”Be the better person” Lincoln looked at Lexa who showed no expressions, he did Clarke wrong and she couldn’t sympathy him.   
”He deserved it” Lexa looked at him and held her head high. ”Now get him the fuck out of here I can’t stand seeing him…” and Lincoln nodded in response.

As Lexa made her way inside to go check on Clarke she was met by Raven and Octavia in the kitchen who had a conversation with Bellamy.  
”The house doctor is in there with her, apparently she hit her head pretty hard as she fell to the ground and that’s why she passed out”   
”Can I see her?” Lexa asked.  
”She doesn’t wanna see anybody” Raven shrugged.   
”Expect for my brother” Octavia looked at Bellamy.   
”Just give her a little time” Bellamy looked at the girls with an assuring smile.

***

Clarke didn’t need just a little time, she spent the rest of the week in one of the guest rooms. She didn’t want to sleep in her and Finn’s old bedroom so Bellamy had been moving all her stuff to the new room. She still didn’t want too see anyone else but him and everyone respected her privacy but was worried about her.   
”Why can’t we just walk in there?” Raven sighed as the girls where sitting drinking coffee at the kitchen table. Vanessa and Kylie had left with her sister Costia but Jasper had informed them that just the two of them where coming back. They had apologized for Costias behavior, especially her sister Vanessa but the girls had explained that it wasn’t their fault and that they where welcome back to the lake house.  
”I need to see her” Lexa said as she swallowed some coffee.  
”Bellamy is right, we need to give her time she’s probably in shock…Finn” Octavia started.  
”I can’t even stand his name” Anya hushed her.  
”How are you girls?” Bellamy walked into the room, he looked tired.  
”I made her some breakfast…can you bring it to her and make sure she finish it, she needs to eat” Octavia handed Bellamy a plate with some sandwiches, black coffee and some orange juice.  
”I need some coffee too” Bellamy added a cup to the plate before he left the room again.  
”Why him?” Raven asked.   
”Probably because he was with her as she woke up, if it was anyone else it would of probably been the same” Lexa guessed.

***

Clarke watched Bellamy come into the room with a plate with food, she had no appetite.  
”I’m not hungry” She told him with a raspy voice.  
”I don’t care…You need too eat and Octavia is gonna kill me if you don’t” He placed the plate close to the bed besides her. She looked at it but didn’t touch anything she just stayed in the same position staring at him and he sighed. ”How do you feel today?” He asked.  
”Numb” She answered.  
”Maybe seeing your friends would help you know…what happened to you was horrible and I think you need them the most right now.  
”No…” Clarke was to tired to face her friends, she didn’t blame them for wanted to check on her but she just couldn’t take the petty eyes and the multiply questions.   
”But you have to eat and I’m not leaving until your finished” 

***

Clarke lost track of time, she slept and she woke up it was either dark or light. Bellamy came with food or to check on her and she just kept laying in bed. She wanted too feel something, be sad, angry, scared… she just wanted too cry, feel emotions or scream…but nothing. For the first time in a week she turned on her phone so she could be able too see the time, 05:17. She felt in a desperate need of a shower so with all of her power she made her body stand up. She only had big t-shirt on so she threw it off immediately and made her way to the bathroom. To first thing she sees is her naked body in the mirror and she studied it. There was a huge blue mark on her stomach, she touched it gently and it hurt. Somehow she enjoyed feeling the pain, she looked closer to her face, her cheek was swollen and she had bruise. Close to her temple she had wound from where she had fell to the ground. How can someone you think love you do this to a person? How could she had been so foolish to believe him, why didn’t she act on the warning signals. She sees the good in people and it backfired on her, she wanted to believe he was a good guy even though all the signs said something else. She shrugged, she didn’t want to think about it so she jumped in the shower and turned on the water quickly. She stood there staring into nothing for at least an hour.

Bellamy knocked on the door just as she wrapped a towel around her and she went to open it, he looked surprised, probably because she hadn’t left the bed in days.  
”I heard the shower so I figured you where awake… do you feel better?” He asked.  
”I felt dirty” Clarke responded.  
”Well are you hungry? Coffee?” He asked and she actually felt hungry today.  
”Yes, thank you” Clarke nodded and they shared a sly smile before he left to get breakfast. It wasn’t like yesterday but it was no where close to feeling fine, but she felt a little better today.

***

Lexa struggled to open Clarks door as she was carrying two hot cups in both of her hands, it was late and she had decided she couldn’t take it anymore. She had too see her.  
”Bellamy?” Clarke’s voice filled her ears, she had missed it.  
”Sorry” Lexa finally got the door opened and kicked it close with her feet.  
”I really don’t want to see anyone”  
”I made my famous hot chocolate” Lexa held the cups high for Clarke too see.  
”Fine” Clarke couldn't say no and Lexa handed her a cup and as they locked eyes Lexa directly looked at her wounds back and forth. ”Don’t” Clarke warned her.  
”I bet he looks worse though” Lexa tried to respect her even though she wanted too make sure she was fine, ask her how she was feeling. Nope… not yet. They where just gonna share some chocolate and that was it.  
”What do you mean?” Clarke asked as she took a sip and hummed. ”I hadn’t had this in five years” she closed her eyes and enjoyed it and it made Lexa happy.  
”I sort of…pushed him…a little” Lexa said nervously and Clarke opened her eyes in panic.  
”Are you okay?” She asked worried.  
”Yes yes yes” She assured her quickly. ”He was the one to take the punches before Lincoln kicked him out of the house… he didn’t touch me”  
”I would of killed him if he did” Clarke said angry, she actually felt pretty okay to Lexa. It just seemed like she was…empty somehow? She was not showing much expression or emotion.   
”I’m sorry this happened too you… I know you don’t want to talk about it but I just have to say it. You’re such a strong girl and I adore you for being so brave all these years.” Clarke didn’t answer her she just seemed to zone out before she suddenly whispered.  
”I feel nothing Lexa…that what’s scares me”   
”What do you mean?” Lexa asked.  
”I feel like I shut out all my emotions and built this huge wall around me…”  
”I think you’re in shock”   
”I feel better today but I just don’t feel anything. I look at you and I wanna feel all the butterflies I felt this summer but I feel nothing” Lexa was sort of taken back at the comment, it hurt a little more than she wanted to admit but she had to remember that Clarke had just been through something terrible.  
”Let’s just take one day at the time Clarke” Lexa tried she didn’t really know how to respond.  
”I’m so tired of people hurting me Lexa… I’m not sure I can let anyone in again…I just feel numb and I really don’t want you in here right now…I don’t want to be rude and I promise that I’ll get out of this room tomorrow but right now I just want to be alone” Lexa was shocked but she had to respect her wishes, she saw Clarks cup and noticed that she finished the chocolate already so she left her barely touched one for her as well.  
”I’m sorry I distributed you”  
”I’m sorry too” Clarke didn’t look at her. ”I think he broke more than just my face…and it’s worse Lexa…” Lexa could feel how she got teary and she didn’t want the blonde to notice.  
”I’ll see you tomorrow then?” She breathed.  
”Yes…” Clarke answered and as Lexa closed the door she could hear the blonde whisper.

”He broke me completely”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Work and a little too much partying = It took me some time to update.
> 
> What do you think about the chapter? I love the feedback! Do you think Clarke was rude to Lexa? Do you understand her? Are you happy Finn left the house? Do you think he will be back? Well let me know! ;')
> 
> TRAILER:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CArCh6ZbVSM
> 
> :)


	17. The island

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets out of her room.

It was awkward at breakfast the next day, Clarke had - as she promised - got out of the room but no one really knew what to say. Lexa couldn’t help but stare at Clarke who eat her eggs blankly, staring at nothing. It worried her and she wanted to help her but she didn’t know how and it was really getting to her. How do you help someone in a situation like this? All she wanted to do was too keep Clarke close to her for the rest of her life making sure nothing more happened to her. She felt useless at the moment and after last night she felt like she had to give Clarke some space, she was gonna be there for her when she needed it.   
”I love this juice” Jasper suddenly broke the silence trying to break the awkwardness.   
”It’s fresh, I made it today” Octavia told him.  
”Yeah it was really good!” Raven added trying to keep the conversation going and everyone hummed in.  
”It was too sour” Clarke said her first words that morning. ”Thanks for breakfast” She took her plate and put it in the dishes before she left the kitchen. Everyone just followed her every move until they couldn’t see her anymore.  
”What are we gonna do?” Octavia said desperate and Lincoln put an calming arm around her.  
”I have never seen her like this” Raven shook her head.  
”I wish we could just help her somehow” Monty said as he grabbed a new piece of bread.  
”What if we take the sailing boat to that island for the day?” Lincoln suggested. ”I think she needs some new environment, something else to think about. It might occupy her mind for a bit”  
”I can make some provisions” Octavia liked the idea.  
”Bring some music” Raven smiled.  
”Sounds like a great idea!” Bellamy liked it too.  
”Maybe you should…ask her?” Octavia looked at her brother, since he had been the one Clarke asked for this week it made sense.  
”Yeah…sure!” Bellamy nodded. 

***

Clarke watched her friends fill the boat with all the bags and whatever they where bringing too the island. She had liked the idea when Bellamy told her about the trip, she could lay on the boat and get some tan. Put on her music and forget about the world for a while and just enjoy the bobbing from the boat and the beauty of the nature. She threw her towel out on the front of the boat as she knew no one would ask her to help with loading and preparing. She stripped down to bikini and sat down, yes she would like this. She wanted to get out of the jetty pretty fast though because flashbacks from her assault where slowly sneaking up in her mind.  
”So you stole the nice spot huh?” Anya joked and Clarke actually chuckled, she liked that about Anya, she was always was herself no matter what the situation and Clarke needed that. She just wanted her friends to treat her like normal.   
”There is more room than for one” Clarke told her.  
”Awesome move over kiddo” Anya put her bag on the side and sat down close to Clarke. ”This is amazing!” Anya smiled as she put on her sun glasses. ”RAVEN HAND US SOME CORONAS”  
”It’s 9 o’clock in the morning!” Raven laughed.  
”SHIT… seems like we need to wait, we never get up this early” Anya laughed back.  
”IS EVERYONE READY?” Bellamy screamed and he got a yes in response. ”Let’s goooooo!” and the boat started making some noise and then it slowly started floating away from their house. It was a totally beautiful day to be out on the water, the sun was shining and Clarke couldn’t see a single cloud in the sky. She was ready to put her ear plugs in to play some music but Raven had her speakers with her and they where already playing loud. Clarke looked over at Lexa who sat almost all the way back in the boat in one of the seats, she looked like a lost puppy. Everyone was going back and forth, helping Bellamy steer the boat, it was a lot going on and she just sat there in the middle of the mess. Clarke tried to get eye contact and when she finally got the brunettes attention she gestured for her to come join them in the front, Lexa seemed relived by the invitation and grabbed her stuff quickly.  
”You seemed lost” Clarke told her as Lexa squeezed in between her and her sister.  
”It was so peaceful here…” Anya rolled her eyes as she smiled playfully at her sister.  
”Shut up” Lexa stuck her tongue out like she usually did when her sister was teasing her.  
”Let’s just be quiet and enjoy this amazing view for a bit” Anya closed her eyes and Lexa did the same. Clarke watched the sisters and realized how this felt like such a normal thing, the three of them had been hanging out so many times together before. She had missed them and she couldn’t deny it, now with Finn out of the picture she could actually think right and be straight with her self. She looked at Lexa’s shoulder and she thought it looked so comfortable to lean her head on it, would that be strange? Friends do that too right? She slowly leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder and when the brunette realized what she was doing she threw her arm around her as she leaned her back on the window behind her. Clarke could now easily lay her head head close the the brunette and take in her scent, she felt safe. She closed her eyes and it didn’t take long until she drifted away to her dreams.

***

The most of them actually fell asleep on the way to the island, it was early for a lot of them, they had really just got up early because of Clarke. Bellamy had informed them that she usually woke up early and they didn’t want too miss breakfast with her. It was perfect that Lincoln had thought of this idea since they all been awake and clueless what to do that day. Bellamy had woken everybody up when they were close because he needed help. Lexa had been a little confused on where she was and it took her a few seconds too realize that it was Clarke who was sleeping on her.  
”We made it” Anya smiled at her sister. ”You should probably wake her up” she meant Clarke and Lexa carefully caressed Clarks arm.  
”Hey…” Clarke opened her eyes slowly. ”We are here” Lexa smiled, the blonde was adorable when she was newly awake.   
”Already?” Clarke’s voice was raspy and Lexa handed her a bottle of water as she nodded, the blonde took the water and drank a few sips. ”I slept really good” she told the sisters. ”No nightmares”  
”You have nightmares?” Anya asked.  
”Everyday since that night” Clarke informed them, she still didn’t make much expression and it was hard to read her.  
”Well that’s good news then” Anya said. 

They made it out of the boat and it only took a few seconds until the group parted, Monty and Jasper was off too climb something, Lincoln and Bellamy was already in the water, Anya and Raven went for a walk, Octavia was laying down on a towel reading a book and Lexa and Clarke just stood there confused.  
”What do you wanna do?” Lexa asked nervous. ”I mean if you don’t want to be alone or anything…”  
”Can we just skip the awkwardness Lexa?” Clarke sighed as she threw her towel out in the sand a bit from everyone else.   
”I don’t want to be in your way that’s all” Lexa followed Clarke and sat down next to her, she took of her shirt but kept her shorts on.   
”You’re not…That’s not what I meant last night” Clarke looked at her. ”I hate this you know”   
”What?” Lexa didn’t understand.  
”That I don’t feel the way I did just a couple of days ago…about you”  
”Maybe you’re just confused…or maybe it was just the theory of us that you liked, that you liked the thought of it but now when you actually can have it you’re realizing that it’s not what you want” Lexa didn’t like the words that came out of her mouth but she had to try to help Clarke.  
”Lexa…I know that I love you…the feelings never fade away it’s just that…” Clarke took a deep breath. ”I’m scared of my feelings, I’m scared that if I allow my self to feel the good all the bad will come crushing me.”   
”What if…” Lexa stopped to think for a second. ”You cannot stop have feelings, you can’t shut your emotions out. I tried and it ended terrible… I tried to occupy my mind with school and ignore my emotions, it’s not a way to live Clarke I promise you that.”  
”I can’t cry”   
”Let’s just take it easy…like now you’re opening up to me, that’s good. If you want too, I’ll be here to listen anytime, if you don’t want to talk to me then talk to someone else… just don’t disappear and hide your feelings”  
”For now…I think I have too…” Clarke watched the waves as she spoke.  
”And that’s okay” Lexa informed her.  
”And I don’t want to give you any false hopes about us, what if I don’t get better”  
”What if we see what happens, don’t worry about me”  
”I’m serious Lexa, I’m so tired” Clarke looked at her now. ”I don’t know if I can let myself be vulnerable again and I know that…” she took another deep breath. ”If I let myself love you… that would be all of me, me giving all of me to you, it wouldn’t just be a fling because I know how much I could love you Lexa…it scares the shit out of me”  
”I wouldn’t hurt you again”  
”You can’t know that for sure”  
”We’re not teenagers anymore”  
”And my heart can’t take anymore heartbreak”   
”Clarke…”  
”Maybe you should take that job in Paris Lexa…”  
”You don’t mean that” Lexa looked at her surprised.  
”I can’t give you what you want”  
”I’m not leaving you…I’m still gonna be here for you even if we don’t end up together you’re still my best friend”  
”And you are mine and that is why I can’t be selfish and keep you here”  
”It’s not selfish, I want to stay”  
”But I don’t want you too!” Clarke looked at her upset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So another day in this troubled summer vacation, what do you think? :)
> 
> TRAILER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CArCh6ZbVSM


	18. The island Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia talks to Clarke.

”She didn’t mean that” Raven looked at Lexa who just explained her intense conversation with Clarke.  
”She’s upset, scared and confused I mean she is basically telling you that she loves you but scared you’re gonna hurt her” Anya said.  
”I don’t want to force her to love me guys” Lexa sighed.  
”You wouldn’t! Lexa can’t you read between the lines, she’s probably just testing you out” Raven said.  
”What do you mean?”  
”Well last time you guys parted was you moving away from her, she’s telling you that she’s afraid of getting hurt and she might be scared of you taking that job in Paris”  
”Well I would never do that to her again, I learned my lesson”  
”She doesn’t know that…Lexa if you really love her this is the time you have to fight for her, the rest will probably come natural for you guys” Anya looked at her sister who seemed desperate.”She needs to know that you want this, she isn’t insecure about her own feelings - she scared of yours not being as strong as hers”  
”So what should I do?” Lexa looked at both of them.  
”I would assure her - a lot of times, that you want her” Anya suggested.  
”I would probably tease her a bit, to make sure she remembers the good times you know” Raven winked. ”If you know what I mean” and Anya chuckled.  
”For real?” Lexa looked at them surprised. ”No” she shook her head. 

***

”CLARKE!” The blonde looked up and watched what seemed to be an upset Octavia walk towards her. ”I just overheard Lexa talking to Anya and Raven, what the hell is going on?”  
”What are you talking about?” She asked.  
”That you want Lexa to move to Paris?!” Octavia frowned. ”Why are you doing this to yourself?”  
”Octavia… I’m a fucking mess and I think that it would maybe be better”  
”Don’t push her out of your life again Clarke…trust me you’re gonna regret it!”  
”This is not really up to you” Clarke didn’t understand why Octavia was so upset.  
”Listen…I’m not gonna stand by and watch you destroy everything good too, what happened with Finn was horrible…” suddenly Octavia had trouble getting her words out, she went from angry to sad really fast. ”And I’m so fucking sorry that happened to you…” Octavia wiped away a tear quickly and Clarke looked at her, she didn’t like the sight of her best friend crying. ”I felt so useless Clarke…” she continued. ”and I feel useless now but at least I can do something about this…fuck Clarke no one deserves that shit he put you though” Octavia actually broke down in tears and Clarke was up to her feet in no sec embracing her.  
”Hey” she whispered. ”I’m okay, I’m okay” Clarke hated seeing her friends in pain and for the first time in forever she felt something, she felt concerned about Octavia.  
”You and Lexa have a chance to be great…you guys deserves better than this” Octavia cried.”I know Finn destroyed you in many ways but don’t let him destroy this too…don’t let him keep putting you through misery…”  
”I just don’t know if I’m ready to be the one Lexa deserves” Clarke admitted.  
”But it’s worth a try…” Octavia clinched to the blonde harder than ever and Clarke could feel her eyes get teary. ”I want you to be happy Clarke”  
”I know…I love you O”

***

It was getting darker and Clarke watched over the sight, her friends was preparing to go home soon and was busily packing the boat. Her conversation with Octavia had really got to her, like she had knocked her back in reality somehow. It was just seeing her sad and upset she was and she wanted to help her somehow because Octavia hadn’t done anything wrong. Finn was the bad guy and her friends couldn’t see that coming, she had to put herself in their position for a bit and realize that if she had witnessed someone of her friends being hurt she would of gone nuts. Knowing that you can’t really say or do anything to make it better, just watching the pain in their eyes… Clarke shrugged. She couldn’t push the people she love the most away, that was her plan but that’s not a way to live - it just felt easier. Instead of dealing with her pain to just not do it but she couldn’t. What happened sucked but she had to remember that no one of her friends had never done anything for her not to trust them, that Finn turned out to be a lying, cheating piece of shit - that’s not because of them. She needed her friends now more than ever if she was gonna deal with this mess he left because maybe she wasn’t broken? Maybe she shouldn’t let Finn win? Maybe she should come back stronger than ever? Wasn’t that a better plan than to let herself fall? It was a better idea she knew that and it was thanks to Octavia, she would regret this in the future if she didn’t stay strong now. She would defiantly regret it if she pushed Lexa away too, telling her to go Paris was the silliest thing that she had ever said. Clarke couldn’t think straight at the moment and it felt like an easier way out but it would just hurt her even more if Lexa left. She wanted to just trust Lexa and be happy with her but it was the scariest thing in the world right now, what if she lost her again? It was driving her crazy but she knew one thing…she had to try. She looked over at the brunette who sat close to the water with a blanket around her watching the stars, she walked over to her.  
”Am I the biggest asshole you know?” Clarke caught her attention. ”Can I join you?” and Lexa nodded as the blonde sat down next to her. ”I’m sorry”  
”You don’t have to apologize Clarke” Lexa told her.  
”Well I think I have too…because I was rude and saying shit I really didn’t mean” Clarke pouted.  
”What didn’t you mean?” Lexa  
”I don’t want you to move to Paris…” Clarke admitted.  
”Aha…you want me to move to space” Clarke was taken aback with the joke and Lexa chuckled.”I will arrange a rocket tomorrow” she smiled and Clarke smiled back.  
”Jerk!”  
”Hey” Lexa threw the blanket around the both of them. ”I wasn’t planning on leaving” Lexa assured her.”But it’s nice to hear that you don't want me too”  
”Can I ask you something?” Clarke jumped a little bit closer to her and the brunette nodded. ”I want us to you know have an honest chance…I’m not gonna make the same mistake I did five years ago so I’m gonna start communicate and let you know what I think”  
”Sounds good”  
”I need you the be patient with me Lexa…I’m gonna need to take things slow and it might take some time…is that okay with you?”  
”Of course Clarke…I’m not expecting you to jump into bed with me or anything” Lexa smirked, she was making this stupid joked because she was nervous.  
”What’s up with you” Clarke laughed.  
”I don’t know” Lexa shook her head. ”But honestly Clarke, we don’t have to rush anything, I mean we have missed five years of each others lives, let’s just get know each other again, hang out, do silly things and communication is the key”  
”I like that” Clarke smiled. ”Friends”  
”Always” Lexa smiled back.  
”So you really didn’t think I would jump back into bed with you huh?” Clarke teased her and Lexa got shy.  
”I tend to make weird jokes when I’m nervous…” She pouted.  
”I know” Clarke laughed. ”That’s like your signature…whenever you feel uncomfortable or nervous you tend to do these jokes that’s not really suitable for the conversation” Clarke told her.  
”So I have a signature?” Lexa pushed her lightly for her shoulder as she chuckled.  
”But I like it… I thinks it’s cute…” Clarke seemed to think. ”Even hilarious sometimes”  
”Don’t…” Lexa knew Clarke was gonna tell her some story on how she made a fool out of herself.  
”Remember than one time when we where in high school?” Clarke started and Lexa sighed but she loved that the blonde was having fun. So they sat there for maybe 30 minutes reminiscing about old memories, the stupid things they did, how they got out of detention, that trip Coachella, that night when they stayed up just to watch the sunrise and whatever memory they could think of. It wasn’t forced or weird, it was just two friends laughing at memories and thinking back of the good old days. It didn’t have to be complicated and Clarke enjoyed every second of it because her mind was all with Lexa and how much fun they had during the years. When Bellamy told them it was time to leave it was actually a little sad because she really liked spending time with Lexa.

She knew that Lexa wasn’t gonna leave though and she knew that she would be here tomorrow too so she wasn’t gonna rush things. She was just gonna take one day at the time and carefully try to heal the wounds Finn scarred her with. It was far from the perfect ending but she had decide to fight this and be strong. A therapist? Octavia? Lexa? Write down her feelings? She didn’t know how yet…but she was willing to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola amigos! Another chapter and hopefully we are getting to some brighter times. 
> 
> I have some trouble deciding if I want to make this story a little longer or make a sequel... We are coming to an end (well soon at least but I have to decide how to end this) I thought that you guys maybe can help me out... The plan was to end this story here but I got an idea for a sequel and now I can't make up my mind! Haha heeeeelp please.


	19. Charades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa get's a little too close in the kitchen.

It was like getting to know someone all over again, even though Lexa knew Clarke probably better than she knew herself it was like getting to know something new everyday. Sometimes the blonde felt like her old self, joking, laughing and chatty, other moments she completely shut down. Lexa could never really know how to approach her, it was Clarke who had too take the steps and the brunette accepted it. The blonde spent a lot of time with Raven and Octavia as well, saying spending time with them made her feel better. It was strange seeing someone you love so much acting different, trying to be there for her but not really know how. The best moments where often late at night, Lexa made her famous chocolate and they just shared conversations about nothing enjoying each others company. The summer vacations was nothing like the beginning, it was like a weird atmosphere where everyone seemed a little lost and confused. There was no big parties, no big dinners… everyone just kept distance and hang out in smaller groups. What happened that night with Finn effected everyone, especially Bellamy who lost one of his best friends. They had really got to know each others over the years and he felt betrayed too. Finn had called him multiply times and sent messages on how sorry he was, he didn’t reply but everyone could see it was affecting him. Clarke had turned off her phone, he was spamming her as well with regrets and i love you’s. She didn’t comment it and no one pushed her. There was seven weeks left of the summer, Octavia tried to keep everyone occupied with planning her wedding. Lexa knew it was really killing her planning the best day of her life with a group full sadness, confusion and anger. Everyone tried though and thats probably why she kept everyone busy. 

***

It was a Tuesday and the group was gathered together for the first time in a week, Octavia had made dinner and Lincoln served drinks. It was like the parents trying to take care of their children. It was nice though, everyone talked and laughed, they played charades, ate too much snacks and tried to forget for a second. It worked.   
”YES WE WIN!” Jasper yelled happy and high fived Monty when they got the most points in the last round of charades.  
”You guys where cheating!” Raven joked.  
”Don’t be jealous, you and Anya came second place…almost there just not enough” Monty teased.  
”Well I need another drink” Anya rolled her eyes but smiled.  
”I think we suck” Lexa chuckled as she noticed she and Clarke got the least points.  
”Well you sucked I was pretty good!” Clarke laughed. ”A bird doesn’t fly with their legs you know”  
”I was trying to swim, I was a duck!” Lexa pouted and Clarke laughed even more.  
”Well I had fun watching that so I don’t mind not winning” She smiled.  
”Yeah what the hell was that!” Anya joined the conversation making fun of her sister.  
”Shut up” Lexa whined as she opened a new beer. ”I was a perfect duck”  
”In your dreams maybe” Now Raven was making fun of Lexa’s performance as well and Anya and her was laughing at her.  
”Okay she gets it” Clarke looked at them as she threw her arms around Lexa so she was hugging her from behind, Lexa was surprised by the touch. ”I loved your duck show”   
”Thank you!” Lexa smiled as she stuck her tongue out to Raven and Anya, seconds later Clarke let go and Lexa already missed being close to the blonde. 

The night went by at ease, it was just a chill night with stupid conversations and silly games. When they passed midnight everyone started parted from each other doing their own things, some went out to the hot tub, some played cards inside and others where just talking. Clarke and Lexa where in the kitchen talking about doing something fun for Octavia’s bridal.  
”Maybe we can go to New York for a weekend” Lexa suggested.  
”Or vegas?” Clarke said happy as she poured her self a new drink.  
”Yes and we can all dress like complete morons” Lexa laughed.  
”And get Octavia completely wasted!” Clarke laughed as well as she accidentally hit her glass with liqueur so it poured all over Lexa. The blonde went completely serious in seconds. ”Omg…I’m so sorry, Lexa… I didn’t mean too, I’m sorry so sorry” She said nervous as she grabbed paper to hand it too Lexa.  
”It’s okay Clarke” Lexa chuckled. ”It was an accident”  
”No…I’m so clumsy…That’s my bad I’m sorry” Clarke was super anxious and suddenly it got to Lexa, if she had been Finn he would of probably been mad at her and thats why Clarke was acting like this. The brunette carefully took both of Clarke’s hands in hers, making the blonde drop what she was doing.   
”Clarke” Lexa said carefully. ”Look at me” Blue met green. ”Look…I’m not mad at you, I thought it was funny…It’s not a big deal” Clarke seemed to relax a bit. ”I mean come on, how many drinks haven’t I spilled on you over the years…” Lexa smiled and was relieved to see Clarke smile back.  
”Okay…I’m sorry”   
”Stop apologizing…I’m perfectly fine, I’m just a little wet” Lexa didn’t realize how her words could be turned into something sexual and Clarke stared at her with a smirk.  
”Oh” She raised her eyebrows.  
”Omg…You know what I meant” Lexa felt her cheeks get red.  
”I know…” Clarke assured her with a smile. ”Can I just say something to you?” Clarke locked eyes with green again and the brunette nodded. ”Thank you for being so understanding, for you know…not giving up on me. I know I have been a rollercoaster these days but the one thing I know for sure…that’s you Lexa”  
”What do you mean?”  
”That when I wake up every morning, I think of you…How much I wish I could be well and that we could just be together, that I could stop confuse myself with what he would do…that you would never…”  
”Like when you spilled right now…you thought I would be mad?”   
”Yes” Clarke admitted.   
”I’m not like him Clarke”  
”I know…I know that…It’s just that, it’s confusing that’s all” Clarke struggled to find words to explain her situation.  
”It’s okay” Lexa smiled. ”Let’s continue taking things slow okay?”   
”Can I kiss you?” Lexa was surprised by Clarke’s question and looked at her.   
”Are you sure?” Lexa didn’t really know how to reply and Clarke leaned in closer to her, Lexa was sitting down as Clarke stood up so the blonde carefully held Lexa cheeks lifting her head up a bit. The brunette’s heart was beating fast as Clarke lips came closer and before she knew it their lips collided in a gentle kiss, the blonde hesitated before she once more leaned in for another kiss, this time a little more aggressive. Longing for the brunette the blonde was know straddling Lexa sitting in her lap as her tongue carefully explored Lexa’s. Lexa brought her hands to Clarks ass pushing her closer, wanting more. The blonde was grinding as she parted their lips to kiss Lexa’s neck and the brunettes hands sneaked under the blonds shirt as she closed her eyes. That’s when it hit her, she had to really force her self too make Clarke stop and the blonde stared at her confused as Lexa had to catch her breath for a second.  
”We shouldn’t do this” She breathed as the blond looked at her with desire and Lexa swallowed, she knew she was doing the right thing but damn she wanted it so bad.  
”It’s okay” Clarke was out of breath as well, moving her hands to Lexa’s neck playing with her hair.  
”This is not slow Clarke…trust me I want this too…god you don’t know how much I want this…but we shouldn’t” Lexa pulled some hair behind Clarks ear. ”You’re so beautiful” Lexa smiled and Clarke went shy.  
”I don’t deserve you…you’re so amazing”  
”So are you” Lexa smiled. ”And you deserve the universe”  
”Thank you” Clarke carefully went off Lexa’s lap. ”For stopping this I mean, you’re right it’s too soon” Clarke seemed to realize it too now.  
”It wasn’t easy” Lexa chuckled.  
”Well…trust me, I’m gonna make it up to you” Clarke smirked.   
”I bet…” Lexa winked. ”So what now?”   
”I need a cold shower” Clarke joked and they laughed and it eased the tension a bit. ”No but let’s see what the rest is up too” She suggested.  
”Sounds great” And before they left the kitchen Clarke stopped the brunette to kiss her cheek.  
”Seriously…thank you” She whispered as she lingered their fingers together and they left the room holding hands. 

That was a better start and they both knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I know it's been a while but I just got home from a vacation and I wasn't able to update - and I wanted to enjoy the vacay as well haha.
> 
> But I'm back with a new chapter let me know what you think! All the best you and I hope you have a great day/night! :)


	20. Clarke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's find out what Clarke think about.

Clarke didn’t lie when she told Lexa she was the first thing she thought about every morning, today was different though. She had been thinking a little to much of Lexa - or actually dreaming it and she actually felt out of breath as she opened her eyes. Flashbacks of her dream instantly took over her, Lexa’s naked body, the touches and the kisses. She closed her eyes once more because she enjoyed it a little to much, plus she would take a sex dream with Lexa over and over instead of the nightmares. That wasn’t so strange of course but just the fact that her dreams was filled of Lexa instead of Finn - that was the good part and Clarke couldn’t help but smile with the butterflies in her stomach. She felt better each day and she felt like her old self even more, she still had a lot to work on but being free from Finn made her realize how different she’s been over the years. She hadn’t even noticed it - and it’s scary to think off. How someone can manipulate you so much that you actually forget who you are.

Lexa wasn’t like that - she had never been like that. It was just the trust issues and she couldn’t help it. The brunette did leave her once and what if she decided that Clarke was to much of an emotional mess, what if Lexa didn’t want her anymore? What if she wakes up one day tired of waiting? The what if’s where killing her even though Lexa kept telling her she wouldn’t leave, she wanted to believe her… it was just all the monsters in her brain telling her how many ways this could go wrong.

Octavia had been right though…she couldn’t let Finn win and shut down, she was close. She was ready to give up everything and she actually didn’t care about anything for days. ”Don’t let him destroy the good things in your life too” Octavia’s words echoed in her mind. ”You’re gonna regret it if you push Lexa away”. Her best friend was right and right now the blonde was terrified of loosing Lexa. This summer has been far from perfect but the one thing Clarke was grateful for (expect of course spending time with her best friends) was forgiving Lexa. To get her back into her life again. With her everything felt so right, it was so easy to fall back into their friendship - to fill the void that had been missing for so long. It was easy loving her. Lexa has been so understanding during this summer - even when Clarke was childish and stubborn - with what happened with Finn - with everything. She can’t believe she has been living without her for so long. Maybe it’s not that strange that she stuck with Finn because deep down she knows she was scared of being alone too. She hid behind him and she can’t deny it, because as long as she believed she was in love with him she wouldn’t have too face the fact that she missed Lexa so damn much. 

Clarke wanted to believe that Finn was a good person - she really did. Maybe she was blind from the beginning because she didn’t care - he was a distraction and she needed it. The signs might have been there from day one…but it was when he found out about Lexa that it all started. Like something flipped inside of him - he wronged her over and over again - but she couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. How damaged can a person be to actually hurt the person they love? Clarke knew he was in love with her. Even with all the shit that he put her through, arguments, fights, cheating and - hitting her - she never doubted the fact that he was in love with her. That love probably drove him crazy, loving someone as much as he did and knowing that she was in love with someone else. She never confirmed it but Finn wasn’t stupid even though Clarke didn’t want to admit it. 

She didn’t want to make excuses for his behavior - never. And she wouldn’t wish this toxic relationship on anyone. She just needed to reflect on it and try to understand - try to get some closure so she could move on. She needed answers because at the moment she was guessing. She wanted to be with Lexa, but she wanted to be the best version of herself because the brunette deserves it, in order to do that she needed to end this chapter in her life. She didn’t want Finn to keep calling her, she didn’t want him to someday maybe show up at her doorstep - she wanted to live in piece with Lexa. A future that she wouldn't have to worry about him.

That wasn’t to much to ask for right?

Clarke had been thinking about this a lot, at first she was so fragile about the subject but in the last few days she had been really tried to dig into it. She actually felt sorry for him - she did - she wasn’t scared of him anymore. She was mad - mad that his insecurities affected her to the point where she doubted herself over and over, that he took out his anger on her for things she had nothing to do with - and she accepted it. She was mad that he was able to control her in ways that she would question for days later - that he made her do things she wouldn't normally do. She was mad that he made her feel so small, useless, ugly, worthless - she was mad that she listened to him and believed him. She was mad because she didn’t realize how bad he treated her, she was mad that she thought it was a healthy relationship, she was mad that she kept the dirty fights a secret - she was mad that she let him step on her. 

She wasn’t normally the person who took crap from anyone, growing up she was the one to protect her friends from the bullies. Standing up to homophobic assholes who made fun of Lexa or tell boys off when they where being douchebags. No one could touch her or get to her - or her friends. All that courage disappeared when Finn got into the picture - and she didn’t even realize it. She wasn’t focused on the fact that he was getting under her skin - she was focused on getting over Lexa. 

The courage, that was one thing she wanted to get back because she actually loved that about herself. If she could get over this and go back to her normal self she was pretty sure she would be stronger than ever. Lexa had always loved that about her as well, she remember in high school when the blonde got jealous and told girls and boys that Lexa’s was hers - it turned her on every time. Or when the brunette was scared she always grabbed Clarke - she knew the blonde would do anything to protect her. Clarke wasn’t scared of anything and Lexa admired it. 

She needed the courage back - because that was a part of her self that she admired too. 

So why did she feel sorry for him? Why did she feel sorry for a man that put her through hell and made her lose some of the quality's she loved about herself…well because she knew she would feel better, she was gonna survive this and she was surrounded by people who loved her. He’s gonna have to live with this for the rest of his life - remembering that night he lost everything. It was his fault only and he can’t blame that on anyone else, no one was gonna forgive him because who wants someone like him in their lives? The guilt was gonna eat him alive and he was probably gonna end up alone, drink his sorrows away and ruin his life even more. 

She felt sorry because she knew he didn’t have anyone else - his parents doesn’t talk to him because he pushed them away a long time ago, he only has shallow friends who actually doesn’t care about him at all. He deserved this but she feels sorry for him because she actually wished she could save him. She believes there is a good hearted boy in there who got hurt a long the way, not only by her but of his family and friends growing up. He didn’t talk much about his past but she knew that he had tuff childhood, his father beating him and his mother didn’t care. He fucked up many friendships because he didn’t trust people or because he didn’t believe people actually could care about him. Clarke hadn’t reflect much on this because Finn never spoke about it, the blonde was probably the first person he trusted and loved and she betrayed him with loving someone else. She knew she shouldn’t blame his behavior on things but she just…she just felt sorry for him. 

He had no one. 

His actions where not okay but after all of these years there was a part of her that still cared about him. The last time had been hell - mostly because how much she realized how bad their relationship where. It didn’t change the fact that they had their golden days together and it was a time where she woke up thankful for Finn everyday. He made her smile and he treated her with respect. She didn’t want to regret something that at one point made her happy - but she did. Not only did it turn out horrible but it also showed another side of Finn that she remember too. She wondered - what if he hadn’t found out about Lexa? 

But she was tired of the what if’s, she was tired of not have any answers and just speculations. People probably wouldn’t understand her if she told them she actually felt sorry for Finn, they would think she was insane. Truth to be told - feeling sorry was the first step for her feeling like she had an advantage. She had control over the situation. Also trying to figure out how things might have led up to this night - even if it sounded like excuses when he didn't need any - she needed it. She needed to understand him, she would rather have a backstory that might explain why he did this than just saying he’s an monster and that’s it. Clarke wanted to clear this up once and for all so she could get rid of all the what if’s with Lexa. She didn’t want any what if’s.

She knew what she had to do, she knew that if she was gonna be able to move on - to finally be happy with Lexa…She had to see him. That’s why for the first time in days, she turned on her phone and looked for his name…

she was ready to face him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realized I haven't made a single chapter without any conversations and I think that it's because I love reading convos when I read novels. I wanted to try to one chapter like this, what do you think? 
> 
> And as always take care and have an amazing day/night! Remember that you're beautiful, important and perfect just the way you are.


	21. A choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indra and Lexa finally talks

It was one of those mornings where Clarke woke up early, it was only 06:30 and she was wide awake. She could hear noises from downstairs and figured that Lexa was up too, she quickly put on some sweat pants and walked downstairs. She was correct, the brunette hadn’t notice her yet so Clarke observed her with a smile on her face. Lexa was careful in her movements, not wanting to wake anyone else up. As she reached for coffee in her oversized shirt she couldn’t help but stare at her ass that was almost visible.   
”Morning” Lexa jumped at Clarke announcing her presence.  
”Fuck you scared me” Lexa took a deep breath to calm herself down. ”What are you doing awake this early?” she then asked.  
”I wanted to have breakfast with you” Clarke smiled. ”So I hope you made food for two”  
”That’s nice…” Lexa chuckled.  
”Why are you laughing?”   
”Just surprised about you being so energetic this early and…” Lexa stopped talking as she noticed Clarke zoning out. ”What are you staring at?” she asked confused.  
”You’re bare legs are distracting me” Clarke admitted and Lexa pushed her slightly on her arm.  
”Stop staring perv” She joked with a smile and Clarke laughed.  
”It’s a compliment I’m not an old man starring at you in a bar”  
”Well follow my beautiful legs outside and help me carry out the coffee…I was just on a walk and I’m starving” Clarke did as she was told and she indeed enjoyed the view on their short way out on the porch.

***

”Indra…” Lexa had been avoiding this call for a while now.  
”Look who decided too rise from the dead” She was annoyed and Lexa understood.  
”I’m sorry…It’s been hectic around here”  
”And I guess you haven’t decided yet?”  
”I told you I’m not ready to move to Paris”  
”You said you would think about it, listen they want you and I can’t push it much longer”  
”And I can’t just leave my friends right now, I won’t make the same mistake twice”  
”You’re talking about Clarke…aren’t you?” Indra knew, Lexa had cried one too many times about the blonde beauty to her.  
”I can’t loose her again” Lexa took a deep breath, she was getting emotional.  
”As your boss I think you’re throwing away your carrier… but as your friend I will give you to the end of the summer to decide. That’s all I can do”  
”I don’t want the job Indra”  
”What if…it doesn’t work out between you guys. What if you get your heart broken again and the job is offered to someone else…”  
”Stop it”  
”Then this job will save you and you know that because you love what you do and you know that deep down that you want this. It’s your dream job, what you worked so hard for”  
”Indra”   
”You know that I’m right”  
”Okay, end of summer” Lexa didn’t feel like arguing.  
”Thank you…and you know I’m here if you want to talk, always”  
”I know”  
”Stop pushing me away, maybe I can help”

So Lexa decided to fill her in, truth to be told Indra was her only real friend in Australia - or more like a cool aunt, severe but cool. She became the person Lexa would come to if she needed help, at first it was school work but eventually it became more. Indra was someone she could count on and it wasn’t fair of Lexa to ignore her. 

”Sounds like a hectic summer, how are you feeling?” Lexa was almost surprised by the question.  
”Aren’t you supposed to ask how Clarke feels?”  
”Well, you have been through a lot too it seems.”  
”But not like Clarke”  
”You can’t just ignore your own feelings Lexa, pushing them away wont make them go away. It will eat you until you break do I have to remind you?” The brunette didn’t know what to answer. ”Lexa?”  
”I have to be the strong one…” Lexa gathered herself. ”You want to know what I feel about this summer? It’s been a fucking hell, first I had to deal with facing Clarke after five years, not surprised she didn’t want me there. You calling me instantly about this job after I promised my sister who I pushed away for five years that I was gonna spend the summer with her. Finding out Finn was an asshole trying to convince Clarke who has these mayor trust issues with me - that she deserved better. Flirting with Costia to get Clarke off my mind because seeing her with someone else broke my heart even more - the girl that ended up hooking up with Finn. In all this mess Clarke shuts down and I haven’t even had time to cope with these intense weeks.”  
”Okay Lexa breath” Indra tried so slow her down but she was on a roll now.  
”So yes, maybe I’m not feeling the best and yes you are probably right. Clarke might not even be ready to go into an relationship with me but even if I only have 5% chance I’m still going to fight for her”  
”So fight for her Lexa! But don’t forget that in the end of the day you need her to, maybe showing yourself vulnerable will be for the better. Make Clarke see that you need her too and that even that she’s been through hell, you’re human too.”  
”I do need her, it just feels wrong asking her for comfort when it’s not the…”  
”Trust me, she cares. To her it’s not silly” Indra interrupted her.   
”Thank you” Lexa wiped away a tear. ”You know me to well”  
”When I crack you open, you’re like an opened book. It just takes some time to wreck the walls you build”  
”I talk to you later”  
”Take care of yourself” and they hanged up.

Indra was right, she couldn’t ignore her own feelings forever, she was hurt too. Ignoring the fact was probably just gonna backlash later, there is two people in a relationship.   
”Clarke” Lexa knocked on her door carefully.  
”Come in” The brunette opened the door and watched the blonde who packing a bag.  
”Going somewhere?” Lexa asked surprised.   
”Yes, I don’t expect you to understand…”  
”Well try me” Lexa closed the door behind her and walked closer to Clarke.  
”I have too see him” Clarke didn’t look at her, she kept filling her bag with clothes.  
”So you when where you planning to tell me about this?” Lexa asked.  
”This isn’t about you Lexa” Clarke sighed.   
”Well it’s never about me is it?” Lexa raised her voice and finally caught Clarke’s attention.  
”I need closure” Blue locked eyes with green.   
”What about what I need?” Lexa stepped closer. ”I want to be here for you but I can’t be the only one trying and I’m done paying for my mistakes I did five years ago”  
”Lexa?” She looked at her surprised.  
”I wasn’t the only one who fucked up, I don’t remember you calling me or giving any sign of you caring, hell I didn’t hear a sound from you.. and don’t tell me the same old shit as always - you fucked up too, who doesn’t answer for two years?”  
”Where is this coming from?”   
”I can’t be the only one who fights for us Clarke”  
”Lexa…I didn’t know you felt this way” Clarke grabbed her hand in hers. ”But I have to go”  
”So you rather walk away from me, to see him?” Lexa breathed slowly. ”I was so scared of exposing myself to you…”  
”Please you have to understand that I need this”  
”And you have to understand that I need you too…Clarke are you just playing with my emotions or are you in this for real? I have to know”  
”I told you I needed time and you accepted it, what changed?” Clarke looked at the time, she was stressed.  
”You know what, never mind” Lexa turned around and was about to leave but Clarke didn’t let go of her.  
”I do care and I hate leaving you like this”

”So please don’t go” Lexa pleaded as she turned around with tears in her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG guys sorry for the late update! I have been moving and haven't had any time to write. I apologize in advance if this chapter may have some misspellings or whatever - I just wanted this up fast since I don't know when I will have time to post it otherwise. Update will get back to normal soon.
> 
> Hope you still like the story and want me to keep writing! :') (Btw I didn't watch season 4 of the 100 because I was pissed Lexa died but now that I gave it a try it's actually good, I missed the show and it gave me some more inspiration to keep writing!) rant over. Much love - always!


	22. The ride to happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa joins Clarke to meet Finn.

Clarke’s heart broke a bit as she saw the pain in Lexa’s eyes, of course she wanted to be there for her but this was something that she had to do.  
”Come with me” Clarke asked. ”We can share my bag just borrow my stuff - we only be gone for a few days and we will have some time to talk during the car ride”  
”Seriously?” Lexa watched Clarke throw in even more clothes in the bag before she zipped it.  
”Yes, come on”

They rushed their way down to the car, Lexa followed Clarke like a lost puppy unknowing what’s next. Clarke didn’t say much us she packed the car and got into the driver side, Lexa was already settled in. They drove in silence for a while, just staring at the road.  
”I’m sorry” Lexa broke the silence.  
”Why are you apologizing?” Clarke asked.  
”You asked for time and I promised you that…”  
”But I didn’t ask you to keep your feelings away from me, I don’t want you to be afraid to talk to me. You up there, felt like the most honest conversation I had with someone for a while…” Clarke took a deep breath as she looked left and right to be sure the road was clear to go. ”Everyone is afraid to even look me in the eyes, talking to me like I’m so fragile…” She continued.  
”So you’re not mad?” Lexa wondered.  
”I was a little surprised…But no…” Clarke reached for Lexa’s hand and lingered their fingers together. ”I’m not mad, I’m more grateful you are coming with me because I need you too” She stroke Lexa’s hand with her thumb and the brunette seem to relax a bit. ”Talk to me Lexa”  
”I’m afraid that…We are to damaged, that maybe we can’t go further from this.” Indra had really gotten into her head, trying to see everything from another perspective. ”I been alone for five years grieving you Clarke”  
”I was hurting too”   
”I had no one… I don’t think you really understand what a dark place I was in…” Lexa took a deep breath trying to gather herself. ”I was finally graduation this summer, I was preparing to leave everything behind. I knew you moved on and I had too accept that and think about myself for a change. Then Anya called and to be honest this summer has been emotionally exhausting”   
”Didn’t you have anyone?” Clarke looked at her worried, Lexa was independent but she had grown up with this person and she knew damn well that she could be terrible off taking care of herself.  
”I had school…I buried my emotions and focused on my future… I threw away everything we had and I was gonna make sure it was worth it” Lexa sighed.  
”Lex…” Clarke realized that Lexa had probably tortured herself for the passed years.  
”I think we can both say that we made mistakes but I’m tired of feeling bad for what happened, I can’t do it anymore”  
”What if we stop blaming each other and start looking forward instead…I think we are worth fighting for”  
”How do we go forward from here? I know you need time and it’s nothing wrong with that but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to try to push you I just don’t know how to help you if we don’t communicate”  
”This Lexa, you’re doing it right now.” Clarke said with a soft smile. ”Listen, one thing I’m sure of is what I am doing right now, facing my demons is for us to be able to move forward. I need to end this chapter with Finn”  
”So getting some closure with Finn is gonna help us?” Lexa wondered.  
”Well, mostly me but I guess in the end it will help us both move further from this point” Clarke explained and Lexa nodded in response.

***  
After almost two hours of driving Clarke could feel her eyes get heavier, she was tired and also hungry. She suggested some food and perhaps that Lexa could keep driving after their stop, that wasn’t a problem.  
”Hello girls, welcome to our small but cozy diner what can I help you with?” A blond pretty attractive was taking their order.  
”Can I have the house burger? With cheese?” Lexa said as she looked down at the menu.  
”I have the same” Clarke watched the waitress eying Lexa with a smile.  
”Something to drink?” She smiled even wider as Lexa finally looked up.  
”Yeah, you want cola?” Lexa looked at Clarke who nodded. ”Yeah so two medium coca cola please!”  
”Coming right up” The waitress answered with a wink that Lexa didn’t catch.   
”Someone likes you” Clarke said as she walked away with their order and smirked.  
”It’s her job to be polite” Lexa chuckled.  
”She was practically undressing you with her eyes” Clarke frowned.  
”No she wasn’t” Lexa looked back to watch the girl prepare their drinks. ”She’s cute”   
”Oh really?” Clarke raised her eyebrows.   
”But I still don’t think she was flirting with me, I mean i’m here with you right” Lexa was oblivious sometimes but Clarke found it cute.  
”Here you go!” the waitress said happy and placed their drinks in front of them. ”Let me know if there is anything else you need, your burgers will be served soon!” 

The burgers was delicious, they both must have been pretty hungry because they finished the food fast and decided to order some coffee to go. As they walked over the parking lot the waitress began running after them yelling.  
”Hey, you forgot your recite” She smiled at Lexa.  
”Oh, I don’t need it” Lexa smiled back.  
”Please take it” She smiled and Clarke rolled her eyes as Lexa accepted it. ”Drive safe” She then smiled and disappeared back into the diner.   
”Open it” Clarke told her and Lexa did as she was told and a number was placed on the recite with a smiley face and nicely written ”call me”.  
”Okay maybe she was flirting with me” Lexa chuckled and suddenly Clarke felt the jealousy taking over her, she grabbed Lexa’s waist and pulled her closer and in a second she was kissing her like she had waited for that moment forever. Lexa’s hands caressed Clarke’s cheeks and the blonde tried to pull her even closer before separating their lips.  
”Wow” Lexa’s eyes where still closed and Clarke wasn’t ready to let go of her yet, the sight was to good. ”What was that for?” Lexa smiled and gazed into blue eyes.  
”I had to make sure she knows you’re mine” Clarke told her, she was a little out of breath.  
”Well…If that’s the way you show people I’m yours please do it more often” Lexa said as stepped away to get to the driver side of the car, Clarke missed her presence already she just wanted to brunette close to her.  
”Wait” Clarke followed her and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck in a hug and the brunettes responded in a heartwarming hug. ”I don’t know how I could spend five years without you” Clarke whispered into her neck.  
”Let’s not do that mistake again” Lexa breathed as she held her even tighter.  
”Never” Clarke put a soft kiss on Lexa’s neck and kept her lips there for a few seconds.  
”So let’s get trip over with so we can start our new life” Lexa smiled into the hug before she slowly let her grip go. 

It was strange, it was like this short moment changed something in both of them, as they drove away from that parking lot it felt like they where gonna remember that diner and place forever. Like they needed that moment to happen for them, they where both sure what they wanted and that was to be with each other. You can never predict what happens or what the future brings but at least they where done with past. All of that didn't matter now, it was clear that they still loved each other and had forgiven passed mistakes. The rest of the trip didn’t seem forced or scary, it was like no time had passed and they where still the goofy couple they remembered singing along to every song. Flirting a bit to much and laughed like never before. 

For a second they just forgot and where happy and they didn’t want it to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I hope you like this chapter and I'm sorry for the long hiatus!
> 
> Please let me know what you think, nice feedback always make me inspired to write faster! :)
> 
> Take care!


	23. Moments like this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa

The moment got tense as they reached the motel Clarke rented the same day, they made their way into the cramped room. It wasn’t much of a room, it was dark walls with wooden floors, there was one window with white curtains. The bathroom was small as well and Lexa wasn’t sure if she wanted to take a shower in there or not. They both took a moment to look around and settle in, the laughing and joking was over. It was like they had forgot that they where actually on their way to meet Finn.  
”How do you feel?” Lexa couldn’t stand the silence.  
”I don’t know, I was so sure about this but I don’t know if I will be able to even see his face” Clarke sighed as she sat down on the bed.  
”Well, I will be with you every step” Lexa sat down besides the blonde and put an arm around her. ”You’re not alone, okay?” she continued.  
”Thank you” Clarke smiled but Lexa could see the pain in her eyes.  
”We should get some sleep” Lexa suggested.  
”Aren’t you curious why I rented this shitty place?” Clarke wondered.  
”Well yeah sure” Lexa thought it was strange that they didn’t just stay in Clarks apartment, it wasn’t far from Finn’s and it seemed like unnecessary money to stay here.  
”I was afraid to be alone in my own home incase he would visit me” Clarke admitted and Lexa wasn’t sure how to respond. ”If I knew you would of been here though, I would of loved to show you my place…It isn’t much of an apartment but I like it I guess…I bet you have a really cool place” Clarke started rambling and Lexa chuckled.  
”I just realized that we still have so much more to learn about each other” She smiled.  
”I don’t even know where you live” Clarke shook her head.  
”I don’t have a place jet, my plans was to stay with Anya until I knew where I would end up with work” She explained. ”And I bet your place is lovely” She added.  
”I never really liked it though…It was close to work and um yeah Finn”  
”Maybe…we can found a place together” Lexa asked a bit nervous.  
”Do you mean that?” Clarke was suddenly smiling and Lexa’s heart melted.  
”Of course I do!” She smiled back. ”We can live wherever you want to live”  
”I would love that” Clarke yawned.  
”We should actually get some sleep, you must be exhausted” 

***

The next day when Lexa wake up Clarke was not beside her anymore, the blonde had fallen asleep in her arms and she was kind of disappointed there was no morning cuddles. She adjusted her eyes to the bright room and looked around, Clarke had to be in the bathroom.  
”You awake?” Clarke yelled from the room.  
”Just woke up” Lexa’s voice was a bit raspy. ”Morning” she stretched her body and Clarke walked into the room.  
”I could get used to wake up to this every morning again” Clarke smirked.  
”Well I don’t remember you being awake before me, I always steal my morning hugs before I get up” Lexa pouted and Clarke smiled as she lay down besides her.  
”You know I love waking up to that…even if I fall asleep again” Clarke chuckled as she pulled Lexa closer to her and gazed into her eyes. It looked like the blonde hesitated before leaning in closer so Lexa met her halfway, the kiss made Lexa’s butterfly’s crazy, it was like she was falling in love all over again.  
”Ready for today?” Lexa pulled the blonde closer.  
”Can we just enjoy this moment?” Clarke asked as she kissed Lexa again, this time their lips did not part and it quickly got more aggressive. Lexa felt her whole body craving more and her hands where all over Clarke’s body. The blonde was suddenly on top of the brunette tucking Lexa’s shirt, the brunette got the message and held her arms up so she could pull it off. Clarke eyes filled with hunger as Lexa’s bare breast was infront of her.  
”God I missed this” She breathed as she licked both nipples until it made Lexa moan. Clarke’s hands felt like thousand hands touching her body but still Lexa was craving more. She was just about to pull Clarke closer but the blonde was busy taking her shirt off, the hunger in Lexa’s eyes could not go unseen and the smirk of Clarke’s face was killing her. She wanted her close now, she sat up so she could steal kisses from the blonde and suddenly it was skin against skin and it got more aggressive.   
”More” Lexa pleaded and Clarke did not hesitate to wait she wanted Lexa to feel euphoria. She pushed Lexa back to the bed and the brunette closed her eyes as Clarke kissed her way down her body, usually she would tease the brunette more but she was in a rush to explore everything she once knew so well - wondering if she could still make Lexa scream the way she used to.

***

Clarke was filled with so much emotions, her eyes was closed and she tried to get her breathing back to normal. Lexa still knew exactly what to do to make her go crazy, she didn’t want this feeling to end. She could the brunette leaving small kisses on her stomach as she crawled her way back up, their naked bodies was lingered together, like a perfect match. Lexa pulled blonde hair away from Clarke’s face and mumbled beautiful as she gently kissed the blondes lips.  
”I wanna go with you to Paris” Clarke was surprised by her words, she did not expect them.  
”What are you talking about” Lexa chuckled and Clarke suddenly opened her eyes to meet green.  
”Lexa, wouldn’t that be perfect?” she smiled excited.  
”Where is this coming from?”   
”Just… I would not regret stopping you from a really great job opportunity, I need a new start… just imagine us spending a few years in France” Clarke looked at her with big eyes and Lexa could not help but smile big.  
”I could bring to Nice, we could see the Eiffel tower - visit vineyards and just”   
”and just marry each other” Clarke interrupted her and Lexa had to chuckle again.  
”Maybe we should start with moving to another country”  
”I want you the be mine forever Lexa” Clarke teased, the blonde always dreamed of getting married to the love of her life.  
”I have always been yours” Lexa smiled. ”Okay, Clarke…Griffin” she stole a quick kiss from the blonde before she continued. ”will you marry me?” The sound of joy and laughter that came out of Clarke’s mouth was the sight Lexa had been missing for weeks now and to be the reason for that happiness made her whole body feel warm inside. Clarke hugged the brunette and they rolled around until Clarke was on top kissing her everywhere and Lexa laughed as well. It was just a pure moment of happiness.

***

It was a moment that Clarke tried to hold on to, seeing Lexa’s smile, hearing that beautiful laugh even her moans as Clarke discovered her body. Lexa was her strength as she looked at the golden hair, he was sitting alone at a table drinking a beer. He looked miserable to be honest. She took a deep breath as she walked towards him, it felt like the walk never ended but as she reached the table she was quick to sit down in front of him.  
”Clarke?” He looked at her curious but his eyes got filled of hope as well.  
”You wrecked me Finn” Clarke started the conversation, she didn’t need small talk she just wanted it to be over.  
”I know I made a mistake - or a few I know. But that night… I’m gonna have to live with it for the rest of my life…” The blonde just stared at him. ”But I think we can overcome this babe… We’re strong - we”  
”Finn” Clarke shut him up. It was sort of relieving seeing him this vulnerable. ”You and me - it’s not gonna happen, we where never good for each other. We destroyed each other and we bring out the worst in us - that’s not a healthy relationship it’s toxic. I did not come here to try to work on things, I’m done and this summer has just made me realize that we where so wrong together.”  
”It wasn’t all bad” Finn tried. Clarke felt like for the first time in a very long time, she was the one who had control - she was in charge and she liked the feeling. She was feeling more like her old self.  
”No, it wasn’t… but it was far from perfect. I’m here Finn because I don’t want nothing to do with you anymore - and for everything - like you say that you’re sorry, that you love me - that you wont lie. For all that bullshit you are gonna keep this promise, because you fucking owe me - I’m gonna walk out of that door and we’re done with each other. I don’t want you to call me, text me - I don’t want you stalking my Facebook - delete all my numbers and contacts.”  
”But” Finn looked hurt but it seemed like she had his attention.  
”This one thing you can do for me… let me move on with my life and be happy again.”  
”Okay” Clarke was ready to argue but Finn looked defeated. ”I promise”  
”Thank you”  
”Just please know that this isn’t me and I am truly sorry for everything that I have done to you”  
”Get help Finn, get sober and find that person you want to be then” Clarke stood up, she was done.  
”Goodbye Princess” Finn whispered. 

Clarke walked out of the pub and she felt so much lighter she looked around to find her brunette that was leaning against the car. She waved shyly and Clarke almost started running towards her.  
”Let’s go back! We have a lot to do before Octavia’s wedding and she’s gonna kill us if we doesn't help her out” Clarke chuckled.  
”I guess everything went okay?” Lexa was a bit confused but she followed the blonde into the car.  
”That chapter of my life is over and I couldn’t be more excited for what’s next”  
”I’m really happy to hear that” Lexa smiled as Clarke turned on the radio.  
”Sing with me babe” and she did, they sang so loud - screaming to the top of their lungs. They didn’t have to talk more about it, they were both happy it was over. It was a different atmosphere and they just wanted to enjoy it - knowing that the finally moved forward instead of two steps back all the time.

It strange how life can change so fast, how someone you thought you lost forever was somehow brought back to your life. Maybe it was faith or maybe they where lucky - at least they where not gonna question it. They spent the trip back talking about their future in Paris, the wedding, memories from their childhood, new things they never heard about each other before. They wanted to catch up as much as possible and they where eager to do it.

It’s not like everything was forgotten - but they where done with it. They where both looking forward to leave that behind and focus on the future and what’s next. The feeling of thinking you lost someone who’s unexpected in your life again - it’s hard to describe. You appreciate it so much more and you will do everything in your power to not lose that person again. Taking risks in life is sometimes scary, grieving so hard you loose yourself is absurd but when you love someone so much it makes it all worth it. That even after all the things they went through - they found each other and they made each other complete again. That’s what love is - bringing out the best in someone. 

True love, it’s seems hard to find but when you do…you know it. It might be unexpected and scary, but when you let yourself love someone so much - it’s all worth it in the end. 

They both sure had the most unexpected summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this chapter and I was not ready with the story. Life happened and I forgot about it. I felt like i didn't want to leave this story unfinished. This is not my proudest work but at least it got an ending.
> 
> Thank you for all the nice comments on this.
> 
> I'm excited for a new story.
> 
>  
> 
> Trailer:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CArCh6ZbVSM

**Author's Note:**

> My second story, still just doing this for fun. This will probably not be as long as the first one. This will be more chill and angsty, I hope you like it.
> 
> TRAILER
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CArCh6ZbVSM


End file.
